Twenty One Pilots- Joshler Now We're Stressed Out

Chapter Twenty - Polarize

P.o.v Josh

Two years ago in May Tyler and I had made promises to one another. We said it was a bond we'd never break and we never did. He was always going to keep it, he never told his parents about it and he never shared it when his siblings came around. I did the same. It was something just for us.

How could he lie to me? We've been engaged for months. A promise is a promise and you promised to keep it. You fucking promised and you broke it. Ugh... I'm so upset.

That day we had together he said...

"Josh... Promise me if you ever leave, you'll tell me?"

"I promise... Promise me that if you ever feel suicidal you'll tell me?"

"I promise. I will give my everything to keep it."

I thought it was the cutest promise ever. Most people expect happy promises but knowing the darkest can be kept means so much more.

He didn't text me, he didn't call me, he didn't even show any signs. I went with my family for a day and I drive over to Tyler's. His parents weren't there and the house was quiet.

"Tyler?!" I shouted.

"Are you here babe?!" he didn't respond.

Many things were broken around the house. There was broken glass along the stairs and I had heard a cry, scream and fall. Tyler had both arms full of cuts. There were various pills scattered around and a noose around his neck.

How could I let this happen. I called an ambulance. I couldn't hold back the tears. I was light headed and I wanted to rest but I can't. I'm so scared he might not make it. We need to move in together.
When we rushed to the hospital they got the pills out of his system and cleaned his cuts. Whatever they used it burned him. He never screamed like that when I cleaned his wounds. My heart was breaking. I didn't want to leave his side. He fell asleep in his bed and the doctors told me to get some rest. I tried to but every five minutes a nightmare would begin.

He woke up and I stood up and came to his bed.

"Hey babe how are you?"

"I'm fine, where are we?"

"I called 911, its going to be okay. You're in a hospital."

"Josh I need help..."

"Anything for you baby."

"You know where I'm coming from though I am running to you, we've got a lot of problems..."

"I know Ty, but it'll get better. We just need to polarize."

"Well then help me polarize..."

Another promise we made today. I'm not going to break it. I know I'm not. I can't be upset at him for breaking his. He needs help. They're putting him in care for suicidal tendencies. I talked to the doctor and he told me Tyler will be fine if the voices in his head stop. They can't be stopped... I knew that was the end.

He told me to go home. So I did...
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P.o.v Tyler

My parents had got in a fight and left. I noticed the vodka sitting on the counter and drank the bottle. I broke every picture frame with me in it, wiped everything off the table, tipped the bookshelf and broke dishes.

I stumbled up to my room and found all the pills I good and took them I dropped the pill bottles and Sat on my bed with tears, I tried to call Josh but I couldn't see. My breathing got heavy and I felt empty. I had cut until all I saw was red. I grabbed rope from my closet and made a noose, entertained my faith...

I got lightheaded and fell. Next thing I know I hear Josh's voice, I hear him but I can't see. I feel him but is it real? I woke up in a hospital..

The doctor said it's best I go into a unit to be watched. They asked if they could call my parents to inform them but I was scared to make our situation worse so I gave him Josh's mom's number.

After the fourth day of being there I was finally able to have visitors, Josh came to visit and said,

"remember that promise? Let's polarize. Get up."

"I'm too sad to do anything...function."

"I said get up." he lifted me and gave me a piggy back ride to the hall. I couldn't help but laugh.

We had sat down and Josh started tapping on the table.

Help me polarize, help me polarize, help me-

He waited for me to improvise something to say

Down those stairs is where I'll be hiding all my problems

Help me polarize, help me polarize, help me-

He waited again

Out my friends and I, we've got a lot of problems.

A few of the teens had heard of our band and recognized us. I was in there to get help not have people pressure me into things I don't want to think about. Summer is coming and if I get out we can have a tour. They respected me and Josh and said they only came over to listen while they draw.

You know where I'm coming, from though I am running, to you all I feel is deny, deny, denial, I wanted to be a better brother, better son, wanted to be a better adversary to the evil I have done, I have none to show to the one I love, but deny, deny, denial.

He helped me with singing what would be the chorus again and it sound really good. I was glad Josh wanted to help me. The kids asked us what it meant to polarize and if they could join in on polarizing. So Once again Josh waited for another improvisation....

Polarize is taking your disguises separating them, splitting them up from wrong and right, it's deciding where to die and deciding where to fight, deny, deny, denial. I wanted to be a better brother, better son, wanted to be a better adversary to the evil I have done, I have none to show to the one I love, but deny, deny, denial.

And suddenly we were all singing the chorus. I couldn't help but think about what happened that night and I had vision of blurry face fading in and out, Josh had felt it. My voice would crack to this low sound and it scared us, I couldn't keep up with the pain.

"Josh... We've problems..."

"Sing them out babe. It's okay"

"Can you guys do something for us?"

"Yes anything!!"

"Can you sing this rhythm when I cue you?"

"alright"

Domingo en fuego, I think I lost my halo,
I don't know where you are, you'll have to come and find me, find me.

We've problems...we've problems

All I could think about while those kids sang a background beat was how bad I wanted to be a better brother, better son, better fiance, better person to everyone. I wanted to have a clean slate, to look past our problems, to fix them. I wanted someone to give me another chance.

Josh visited for the rest of my days being there. He didn't only make my day, he made everyone's there. He'd tell people stories, jokes, do funny things and the worst was brag about his fiance. I was so overwhelmed. All the nurses would tell me how lucky I am, and how they want to find their own Josh Dun.

I needed time, I needed space, I'm the kind of guy who is a complicated simple.
After all... Everyone needs to polarize.