Twenty One Pilots- Joshler Now We're Stressed Out

Chapter Twenty Three - Sorry

P.o.v Tyler

Every night my anxiety gets the best of me and my thoughts start running. I don't know what I'm doing here and why I'm here. I just want to give up, but I'm too busy giving to everyone else. I'd rather sleep in my bed for hours, days, weeks... Just let another day go by. I feel like every part of me is caught under water. I'm falling every day, I try to call out for help but God is never there.

Fuck you, everything about you. I don't want to know you and I don't want you to know me. Sing a song, speak all you want and have the time of your life, but don't believe that blasphemy is just for me. God... You're such a fucking hypocrite. But none of it is your fault. Everything is on me. I just want to understand why you act the way you do. Why do you think it's okay to cut everyone, to drown us?

You think that everyone cares about you and that we all feel sorry about your pity problems. That there's a show and you're center stage. You've got the world wrapped around you and all these useless things in life that you admire. It doesn't matter. None of it. You've got so much bottled inside, soon you'll blow up. Just stop. All you do is talk about the things you have and how you're better. You'll kill yourself just to find what everyone's got. So just stop. You love to be loved and it's all talk but the second someone is mad at you; you give up. You give in.

Enough about you lets talk about me and how everybody thinks I'm just so free. Free? Did you hear the verse that came first and how my own body's waging a war on me?

You know, for all the shit you put on people, put them through and use against them, you sprinkle words around like you do water. The one you like the most is sorry. Sorry this, sorry that, and you are expected to be forgiven but the second anyone else messes up in life sorry doesn't cut it and no matter how many times they say it you don't listen. It's lost its meaning the way you lost everything in life and tried to make do with "sorry." Good for you kid. I hope you heard me.

I don't think I ever want to forgive anything anymore. I start to part my heart in two halves, it's harder to hold. How can I be empty? One half of my heart is free, the other half of my heart's asleep. So yes. Fuck you very much. Don't ever speak to me and don't ever think it's okay for you to come back into my life. It's so easy to say sorry but it's better done than said. It's so much harder to say it's okay and go back to the way you were. You don't even matter, the only reason people still talk to you is because they feel bad. You're better off going back to wherever. Nobody wants you around. Oh fuck.

I broke my mirror...

I had gone to bed that night with tears stained on my cheeks. Josh came in and tried to stop me, but I guess I didn't notice. Yeah the show was great and life is good but I felt sick. I'm tired of just putting on a show. I want to be happy all the time. I shouldn't let this happen between me and Josh. He deserves a good husband. I need to stop talking to my thoughts. He came to bed and cuddled me, his warmth wrapped around my cold body made me so happy. I lobe Josh so much.

Let the water wash away
Everything that you've become
On your knees today is gone
And tomorrow's sure to come.

My dreams didn't consist of blurryface that night. They never do when Josh is holding me.

I don't know what our wedding will be like. I don't know what anything will be like. I'm so scared for everything.