𝙋𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙮 𝙗𝙞𝙜 (Cartman x reader [satire])

New person in town~~~

Eric was a bad kid In school. Nobody liked this bitch. He's was single. 

But one day, everything changed when y/n moved into south park. 

Eric was suddenly a little bit kinder to everybody. 

It scared the shit out of Kyle. 

As you could maybe see, cartman had feelings for y/n.

Cartman was downbad for y/n. When I say down bad, I MEAN IT. 👺👺

Cartman was soo in love with y/n.

So so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so in love with y/n 

He was in fact, so in love and down bad, he wore THIS to make tiktoks hoping y/n to see it.

He would always play the most uwu kawaii magical pretty princess from the royal high princess Sophia the first castle sparkles kitty meow meow music ✨️ 

He was obsessed. 

"Your obsessed with the new boy/girl aren't you?" Kyal asked cartwheel,  

"M-maybe 🥺👉👈"  cartshit said, making khyal gag

Khal is just throwing up, not cuz of u but cuz of him, I mean, cartman pulling somebody?? Impossible. (Hes not jealous hes just grossed out)

Y/n was such a baddie, they were slaying every day. They were so out of cartmans league. Y/n was a boss bitch [its true u are 💅] and not only was y/n the most popular out of everyone in the school, but they were the most hottest in the school.

Slayed yknow 😍

So obviously cartshit had to chance with you. 

Kenny also had a crush on y/n. ♡ 

Nothing weird, but it was a small crush. He'd often try to give y/n small flowers. Well it was butters idea to do it. 

But cartdaddy needed to get his discord kitten to love him. 💞

Even if there was a murder. 😇😇