𝙋𝙧𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙮 𝙗𝙞𝙜 (Cartman x reader [satire])

He killed kenny!! <//3

"Kennys dead!!" 

"Kennys dead??"

"Oh my god they killed kenny-!!"

"You bastards- >:[ "

Y/n's ears were ringing and they couldn't see anything except for a blur...

Wait was that....

Shrek?!

No..

Daddy pig????

No-

It was cartman.

You were too lightheaded, you had nothing on ur mind..

Then- cartman took you into his embrace, 

"Dont worry my baba grill popeyes biscuit with no drink.." cartman said 

"Youll be safe with me. Dont you trust me?" He asked

You were weak, but you nodded

"Good." He said, then he did the worst spongebob x freddy fazbear laugh.

Y/n had such a light head, they didn't realize that cartfart was holding a knife in his hand that clearly had the blood of a poor boi who had zero rizz..

Kenny's corpse was literally shoved in a locker. 

KYLES LOCKER. (poor boy,,,,,)

................................................................

Y/n was passed out, and cartshart took them into his basement,😈 

He did a foocking ritual when you were asleep, because he had such a beautiful/handsome person in his basement. 

(Its very true, your beautiful/handsome in a friend way <33)

You woke up and literally didn't even remember anything 

You screamed. LOUD. 

Ms cartman was upstairs and couldn't hear bc she was literally vibing to cpr..💔

You looked around bc you were on this lame ass table that was surrounded by posters of the coon, which is pretty traumatized if u ask me 😋

You yelled, "AAAAAH WHY AM I NEXT TO NICKACADO-????"

cartshit would be very offended if you weren't you, in fact, he'd probably KILL YOU IF YOU WERE SOMEBODY ELSE......!1!1!1!!1

"baba grill..... do you remember anything from yesterday??" He asked with anime kawaii chibi eyes 

"No... why did you call me baba grill?????????" You asked,

"Nwo weason.. 🥺" he said "anywayz... lemme tell ywou what hwappened... so westerday, kenny tried to kill you!! And so i saved youu!! He wanted you to be one of his anime girls..... and that was vwery swussy of him!!! So i knocked him out cold!!!" Cartfart said

"HE DID WHAT?? YOU DID WHAT??????" you asked, not knowing what to even do...

Cartshart took out his baseball bat that had nails in it...

"This is what i killed him with 😍" he said

Him rn:

Oki why does he actually look kinda fine-!!

"THAT?! CARTMAN I COULD DEFEND MYSELF-!!" Y/N said

"Well,... that wouldnt be very manly of me would it?" He asked

Also him rn: 👉👈🥺

".. cartman.,, you know it wouldnt be very manly of you anyways... you arent manly at all..." you said

"WHAT???" he asked, then the door of the basement opened.....

KLIFFHANGR AGIANNNNN!1!!1!1!1!1!1