lovebite.

Me And Him Never

I stared at him. He stared back at me, not in a romantic way though. In the annoyed kinda way but whenever he stares at me somethings sets off in my mind. I don't think that should happen though, he hates me, absolutely despises me. When we were younger he always called me names or made fun of the way I looked. I liked it though, he gave me attention? I never had a boy give me so much attention before. Made me feel real special hah... His names Andre. Even his name makes me drop to my knees sometimes, of course, I'd be alone during the time I did that though. It's really easy for me to get alone time actually, my dad's never home, and my mum is always sick so she usually rots in her bed all day scrolling on her phone or sleeping on the pile of rubbish she collected over the years. The only time she really talks to me is when I get a bad grade, or do something unruly. I had a sister but she's 17 (I think, I only saw her once when I was 4) and moved out awhile ago to her boyfriend's house. Anyways, back to Andre. I catch myself staring at his stubborn lips at times, they seem so smooth. Sometimes I wish I could run up to him and hug him. He calms me, even when he shouts at me across the oval telling me to go die or some other stuff. I forgot to introduce myself, I'm Lucy and currently in 11th grade.

"Oi fatty! Look over here!" I turned my head to see Andre snickering with his little group as he flips me off. See what I mean?! If a boy gave you attention like that wouldn't you blush! He's so adorable. Ahhh!!! He talked to me. They weren't snickering anymore and staring at me, so I got kind of sad considering they stopped paying attention. I walked off, in my mind something was telling me them calling me fat and me liking it wasn't right. But I stopped because I only cared if they looked, talked or somewhat interacted with me. I had a pause in my life then, I stood in the middle if two trees. They were really pretty trees actually, they were both lavender trees and they had beautiful purple flowers on them. I could suddenly hear running footsteps walking towards me, so I turned back and.. got hit in the head with a ball. I started to squeal! Andre had willingly walked up to me, and even interacted with me!? I ran to the bathrooms overjoyed, Andre's voice trailed behind me. " Yeah! Go cry about it Lucy! You fat idiot!" he giggled. I hadn't believed he actually said my name. He's so sweet, and I just adore him so much. Even with his 'nasty' insults at me, he's actually talking to me!

TRIGGER: IMPLIED MENTION OF DEATH

I'm on my way home right now, I think I'll cook a lasagna for dinner. Andre loves lasagna, I might give him some tomorrow. On my walls there's a few cracks at at least one or two geckos, and I sleep on a mattress (for now) because I got a - in english and technology. I blame myself though. I get too caught up with stalking Andre's socials at times I forget to study. Even though I may seem like a shitty daughter, I check up on my mum everyday. She's always been sleeping nowadays though, and she's gathered up quite the pack of flies surrounding her body. I swear sometimes they're eating her or something. Luckily I can take care of myself though, otherwise I would have been dead for years! Hah...

TRIGGER: MENTION OF SU!C!D3

 I feel kinda switched off right now. I need some love, I've been craving it for a few days because it's currently the weekend. No one likes talking to me over the weekend. But once I got a text from Andre (of course it was a insult, but he still sent me one). I miss him. I only had one friend growing up. But her parents had driven her into complete insanity. And one day, she just. Lost it. She sent me a final message on 2018, March 29th. It stated 'i love you </3'. I always wanted to be just like her. She had a kind heart, but wasn't afraid to cause some trouble if that meant protecting someone dear to her. She reminds me of Andre. Not because they acted similar or looked the same, but because I loved both of them. I loved both of them but I'd rather fall off a bridge than choose between the two.