meant to be • adam banks

chapter six

adam

Ella is pissed.

I mean, I don't blame her. I wouldn't want to be stuck in a school supply closet with my ex who's refusing to let me leave, but maybe I'm only saying this because she's experiencing it and not me.

I glance at her again, only to find in the same position that she's been in this entire time. Back turned to me, arms crossed, facing the wall. Even though I can't see her face, I'm sure there's a huge sulk on it.

Again, I don't blame her though. I've been getting on her nerves lately.

After another few seconds of painfully awkward silence, I finally clear my throat and say something. "So, are you going to talk or are we going to sit in here all period?"

She doesn't answer, which makes me annoyed. I know she's mad about what I apparently did this weekend, it's painfully obvious. But she can't blow up at me and accuse me of all these things, then completely ignore me and refuse to talk about it when I'm giving her the opportunity to.

I reach out and gently place my hand on her shoulder, feeling as she shivers at my touch. I slowly turn her around to face me, suddenly feeling an unexpected wave of guilt as I see that she's refusing to look at me and rather at the floor.

I gently place my fingers under her chin and tilt her head upwards, forcing her to look at me. There's so many emotions in her eyes, and it's honestly making me nauseous. I know we've been through hell and back together, and a lot of it has been because of me. Regardless of that, I hate seeing her like this. It makes me feel like a horrible person.

"Talk. Please." I whisper, watching as she keeps opening and closing her mouth, almost as if she's genuinely speechless. "If you don't talk, we can't fix this."

The tension in this closet is so thick, and the fact that it's so fucking small in here definitely isn't helping. My hand slowly moves from her chin to her shoulder, and I gently start to toy with the strap of her tank top. Her breath hitches at the contact, which gives me the answer I need to slowly push it down her shoulder.

Why I'm doing this, I honestly don't know. It's almost like I'm hypnotized every time I'm around her, and I'm just filled with an overwhelming sense of need. I feel like I always need to be touching her in some way, or else I won't be able to function properly. I know how weird this seems to be admitting, but it never hurts to be honest.

"Adam..." she breathes out, almost as if she's feeling it too. "We're supposed to be talking, not doing... whatever this is."

And just like that, I've snapped out of my trance and back into reality. I clear my throat again and run a hand through my hair, feeling as the heat starts to rush into my cheeks. "Yeah, sorry. I forgot."

"Clearly." she says to herself sarcastically, and for some reason, it pisses me off.

"What the fuck do you mean 'clearly'?" I ask, probably a bit harsher than I should've. "You seemed just as into it as me. Don't try and pull the 'I wasn't into it' shit right now."

She rolls her eyes and glares at me, which sends a chill down my spine. "Yeah, I wasn't. Clearly you forgot about talking, because that's why you dragged me into this nasty closet in the first place. Oh wait, no you didn't. You dragged me in here so you could feel me up and try to convince me into hooking up with you again."

"No I didn't." I counter, giving her a confused and hurt expression. "What the hell is that even supposed to mean?"

"Oh come on Adam, don't play stupid." she snaps, narrowing her eyes at me. "You know exactly what you've been doing."

"No actually, I don't." I challenge, crossing my arms and eliminating all emotion from my face. "Enlighten me."

She takes a step closer, practically seething in anger. "You are such a liar. Don't act like you haven't been getting absolutely wasted all summer and using it to your advantage by dragging me away to who knows where to do who knows what. You know exactly what you've been doing, because you know I'll give in every time. And especially these past two weekends too, which doesn't even make sense. You broke up with me. Why are you still trying to do stuff with me when you're supposedly 'done' with relationships for now?"

"That shouldn't matter." I mumble, avoiding eye contact with her. I already feel guilty enough as it is, and looking at her right now would just make it worse.

"Actually, it should matter." she insists, clearly not ready to give up. "You clearly don't want to own up to the fact that you're using me, which I think is complete and utter-"

"Oh c'mon Ella, don't act so stupid." I interrupt, unable to hold in my anger any longer. "You know damn well that I'm still in love with you."

"Sure you are." she answers with a sarcastic laugh. "That would explain why you dragged Logan Christiansen up to your room not even ten minutes after you left me in there. You got what you wanted from me and moved on. That sure sounds like love to me."

"Did you miss the part where I kept telling you how much I love you and how sorry I am?" I ask, practically fuming. "Or are you just choosing to bring up everything but that."

I can see a slightly shocked expression form on her face, which catches me off guard. "How do you remember that? You were drunk out of your mind."

"I remember bits and pieces." I admit with a shrug. "Some of it has come back to me, but not much. That's clearly come back, even though you're obviously trying to forget."

Her face falls, which brings with it an unsettling feeling. "I'm not trying to, I just want to. I can't though, and you know it."

I look down at the floor, trying to recollect myself. "Yeah, I know."

We sit for a while in the quiet, and I again have a weird boost of confidence, which is telling me to take a risk. "Hey El?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you still love me?"

I can see the complete shock on her face, because it's obvious she wasn't expecting that. I probably shouldn't have asked it, but I just felt like I needed to. She stays quiet and I'm about to take it back, but thankfully the bell rings and saves us from this miserable situation.

I keep my eyes on the floor as I let her walk past me, listening to the closet door open and close within seconds. This plan definitely didn't work out as well as I had originally though it would, but maybe acting on spontaneity isn't always the right idea.

**a/n**
i literally despise how i ended this but i couldn't think of anything else. also just wanted to say again yes there's a lot more cursing but they're seniors in high school so yeah that's my defense for it. that's all i've got for now, see you soon!