meant to be • adam banks

chapter eleven

ella

I'm drained.

All I want to do is sleep, but the sunlight that's pouring into my room through the window isn't helping at all. In fact, it's not doing anything other than worsen my headache, which is strengthening by the second.

I really shouldn't have drank so much last night. I know I could take the easy way out and use the "it was my eighteenth birthday" excuse, but it's not like I didn't realize what I was getting myself into.

Besides, I keep getting myself into situations that are so easily avoidable. All I need to do is have a little more self-control, a little more willpower, and the ability to stay strong when Adam Banks comes near me. Once I have those three things, I'll be just fine.

Before I can completely focus my eyes, someone starts pounding on my room door. And I mean pounding.

I can't even open my mouth and sit up before Sadie almost busts my door down, storming into my room with Morgan right behind her. "Ella Paige Walker. We need to have a serious chat."

"About what Sade?" I ask with a yawn, rubbing my temples as I still try to adjust my eyes to the world around me. "I can barely think straight right now."

"That's too bad." she counters, walking over and sitting on my bed next to me. "You're about to explain what the fuck happened last night with you and Adam."

I roll my eyes and look at her pointedly. "What do you think happened?"

"Why?" Morgan demands, making the disgust on her face obvious. "I know you still love him, but seriously? You're better than this El. You never let anyone else treat you the way he does."

"What are you talking about? No I don't." I counter.

Morgan shakes her head sadly and crosses her arms. "He walks all over you Ella, and you just let him. Don't you see it? He comes to you whenever he's drunk or feeling sad about what he gave up, uses you to fool around, and you don't even bat an eye. Yet the second anyone else tries to cross you, you're immediately making them cut the shit."

"You don't get it." I mumble, turning around to face away from them. "It's hard to let him go. If doing this means I still get to have him in some way, then so be it."

"Ella, no. Stop." Sadie snaps, grabbing my shoulder and turning me so that I'm lying on my back. "That's toxic and you know it. I love you too much to let you act like this, so you're going to do one of two things. Either you're going to stop acting like this, grow a brain, and realize that you're better than this, or you can keep acting like this, but Morgan and I won't be talking to you until you get it together. It's your choice."

"Are you kidding?" I protest, sitting up and throwing my arms out in anger. "That's not fair and you know it."

"I'm sorry Ella, but our minds aren't changing." Morgan says quietly. "You need to realize that this isn't healthy and you deserve to be treated so much better than Adam treats you."

Even though I don't want to admit it, deep down I know they're right. I shouldn't be letting Adam, or any boy for that matter, treat me like this. My behavior recently is no one else's fault but mine, and much as I may love him, I can't live without my friends.

I sigh in defeat, trying to ignore the tears threatening to spill from my eyes. "Fine, you guys win. I'll be better."

A triumphant smile breaks free on Sadie's face, and she nods in satisfaction. "Good, you picked the right choice."

I make a weak attempt to smile in return, but the churning in my stomach quickly becomes too strong to ignore. I shove Sadie out of my way and sprint into the bathroom, then hunch over the toilet and begin to empty the contents of my stomach.

Like I said earlier, I definitely shouldn't have drank so much last night. Something like this always ends up happening.

Once I'm done and my teeth are brushed, I can't blink back the tears anymore. I sink to the floor and bury my head into my knees, hugging them close to my chest as I cry. I feel like I've been crying so much lately, but I can't pretend like I haven't been the cause.

I guess that's just what love does to you.

I don't know how much time passes before I hear knocking and Morgan's comforting voice. "Ella? Are you okay?"

"Yep, I'm fine." I call out, my head still buried in my knees. "Don't worry about me, I'll be out in a few minutes."

"Are you sure?" Morgan pushes, clearly unconvinced. "We know you were getting sick before and it's been quiet for too long. What's going on in there?"

"Morgan, I'm fine." I insist, looking up to make sure that the door is locked. "Just give me a few minutes and I'll be out. I'm just freshening up."

"Uh-huh. If you say so."

It's clear that she doesn't believe a word I say, but I refuse to let them see me upset. Normally if there's a problem, I wouldn't think twice before running into their arms for comfort. But right now, I feel incredibly ridiculous and stupid for letting my behavior surrounding Adam get to the point where they needed to call me out and set me straight.

After spending a couple more minutes in the bathroom, I finally pick myself off the floor and join my friends in my room. Sadie opens her arms for me immediately, and I cocoon myself into her. "I'm sorry."

"Shhhh, don't be." she whispers, delicately stroking my head. "You love him. I know you do. And I get that you were just trying to keep him any way you could, even if it meant hurting yourself. If anything, I'm sorry I was so hard on you. You didn't deserve that harshness."

"No, I did." I respond with a laugh. "It actually set me somewhat straight."

She looks down at me and gives me a small smile, hugging me tighter. "Good, I'm glad."

Although it's devastating to say, I think this situation is proving to me that I need to move on from Adam Banks... for good. No boy, regardless of how much history we share, should be making me feel this way. I'll always have an endless amount of love for Adam, but I think that we're better off as friends.

Or better yet, the way we used to be... nothing but strangers.

**a/n**
and she lives!
hi guys i'm so thrilled to finally be back. with school ending and all that summer brought me i haven't had the time or motivation to write, but now that school is back and i finally have some free time, i can write again! and i've got lots of ideas! thank you all for sticking with me if you're still here, i appreciate you more than you know. i hope you like this first chapter back, and i'm excited to update this book again soon and hopefully more frequently!
byeeeeeeeee