Thought Bubble

P.N.K.

I don't remember how we became friends. I think it sort of just happened.

Was it during that weird middle school feud? Was it because of our mutual friends? Or was it because we were both in the same grade?

I don't quite know how to explain what we were. At first we weren't close, but then we were. We made an amazing team. We got along extremely well.

Sitting by you in class for hours on end, hanging out and chatting between classes, helping each other out and hyping each other up... that was our thing right? That's what we shared together.

I'll admit there were times you went too far and I couldn't stand it, but I don't think I wanted to lose you either. I stuck through it and did my best you drag you back to who I knew you were— who I thought you were.

It worked sometimes. Other times I knew you'd come back. You always did. I was your constant, and while I could've let you go, you were mine.

I hate what happened between you and her.

I hate how you treated her. Even before it all went down, your relationship with her was always rocky.

There was always something wrong, and I was always the one in the middle, consoling both of you because I couldn't stand seeing you both so upset.

I wish you had just appreciated her for who she was and what she did for you. I wish you hadn't used her and thrown her aside for me to pick up the pieces. I wish you hadn't tried to make me upset with her too.

You said it so innocently then, but I knew what you were doing.

I wish you had accepted her apology. I wish you had made up.

You had made up countless times before. Why did you break the cycle?

I, at least, know why we stopped being so close.

You changed.

I noticed it. I pointed it out.

You admitted it and we talked about it. You told me about your fears. You changed because you wanted to be accepted. I had already accepted you, and so did she. She wouldn't have made you change anything about yourself.

It was so hard being close to you knowing what you had become. Every conversation afterwards felt so stiff and uncomfortable. Our dynamic was somewhat lost.

I cherished what I had with her instead. She had been there from the start for me. I wish I had done more for her. I wish I had stepped in when you went too far and not make her feel like she deserved how you treated her.

I wish she hadn't been at the expense of you figuring yourself out.

Regardless of how things ended, I hope your choices led you right where you wanted to be. I hope you live your life with no regrets. I hope you aren't giving in to your fears, and I hope you aren't constantly on the chase for societal validation.

Highschool was brutal. I hope you wear your heart on your sleeve and not your scars.

***

This book of my prompts and thoughts is slowly becoming a diary/journal of sorts. My own little "emails i can't send". Letters to people I don't talk to anymore.

If who this is about finds and reads this.

I love you. I'll be there for you if you ask for me. I truly hope you're doing well and I hope you're taking care of yourself.