Thought Bubble

Settle

I had a dream last night
after a long day of feeling like I was seen and potentially desired by others

I saw you. Again.

It was a genuine surprise. You never show up when I want you to,
but I'm grateful that your face never fades or changes.
It's the same as the last time I saw it.

We were back where we always used to be.
You were the same.
Mischievous, and for some reason, flirting with me.

I never understood why,
But I could never help the way my cheeks flushed or how my stomach
fluttered
when your eyes would remained fixed on mine.
I'd try my hardest to not smile at your dumb jokes
because I knew it would go to your head
and you'd actually think I liked you.

No. I don't.

This is merely a crush,
And this is just a dream.
You aren't real,
And neither are these feelings.

My dream-self however disagreed.
She felt the need to tell you how she felt.
She needed the validation
that your flirting dug deeper than just mere attraction.

She went to your place,
which was odd.
I had never been there before.

She somehow found your room.
It was flooded with diaries and letters,
All from girls who felt the same way she did for you.

She was upset.
No tears fell.
It was just disappointment.
She felt disgusted.

How could she have let herself become
another name crossed off on an invisible list?

You found her standing in the middle of it all.
You looked so believable
Begging for forgiveness on your knees like that.

I would've been too prideful.
I would've made you regret ever trying to use me like that.

But she was different.
And she definitely wasn't me.
Because I would've never, in my entire life,
Settled for you the way she did.

After the very clear red flag,
You're so lucky she forgave you.
You somehow managed to agree to get together,
Yet of course...
nothing was the same.

Your face and your gaze didn't hold as much power.
It was easier to never smile at your jokes.
They weren't funny anymore.

Nothing about you felt the same.
Finally kissing you felt like nothing.

This fake, rose-colored romance faded.
Papers, lead, and ink now flooded her mind.

I want to feel bad for her.
I really do, but she gave in
to one of my worst nightmares.

I can never forgive her
for settling for you
after you nearly broke her heart
and made her feel easy to please.

I hope if the day comes,
and I see you again
face to face
in real life.

I'll ask you if you ever really liked me.
And regardless of your answer,
I'll remember who you are inside,
and who you're related to
so that i never make that mistake she made
and settle for you.

I deserve better.
***

I don't even know if people still read these.
I wrote this off the top of my head based on the dream I had last night.

Lost of weird supernatural stuff went on, but this part stuck with me all day. I remembered i had this book on here so I decided to let it all out and share it here.

Feel free to vote, comment or share if you'd like!

and until the next time my intrusive thoughts lead me back here again.