There's Always Dark Before A Sunrise

Chapter Three

Shane sits despondently in one of the chairs surrounding Brecken and Eliza Northman's dinner table. Shane hasn't looked up from the floor in several hours. He just stares at the polished wood flooring thinking about what happened and not wanting to. If only he had made sure Mariah stayed back, if only he had never come to the dinner, if only he had never taken that first shot of heroin, that first loan from his boss, Freddie George, if only, if only, if only...

What can his parents possibly think about him now? A drug addict barely past twenty who gets his younger sister killed. Why does life have to go like this? 

Eliza looks across the table at her son. He had wanted to return to his small apartment, probably to kill himself, but the social workers hadn't let Shane leave his parents' house. Eliza isn't sure if social workers have the authority to do that, but Shane didn't argue and neither did Eliza.

Brecken hasn't left his room since the incident. It took all his strength not to beat Shane bloody for what happened. His son let Mariah die. Because of his stupid addictions she is now dead.

Eliza looks to Shane, "Why are you so sad son? It's not like Mariah will be gone forever, she...she's coming back. That's where Brecken is, he's getting her."

Shane ignores his mother; he doesn't hear her. The doctors said that what Eliza is experiencing happens, but Shane doesn't remember much of what else they said. He doesn't remember much of what anyone has said. All that's been going on around him he hasn't noticed. Shane hasn't seen anything but those last few seconds when Mariah was still alive for the past several days.

There is no end in sight, nothing. Just an oblivion, a void filled with one thing and one thing only.

Shane shudders in his chair. He looks and sees Mariah's blood covering his hands. Looking down he sees the horrible red substance smothering his clothes as well. Uncontrollable tears well up in his eyes.

It's not like a recording that plays itself over and over again in Shane's mind but rather it's like he is there again. He never left. The only reality of Shane's is seeing his sister, his little sister, push him out of the way of danger and harm. He feels the impact of the cement beneath his hands and knees as he falls. He feels dread and terror and horror as he turns to see Mariah lying still on the cement, blood everywhere. 

Suddenly there is a break from Shane's reality. Yes! He remembers. The beautiful welcoming and warm arms of heroin. Its euphoric throws can save him. He hasn't had it in forever, since the overdose, but there is no time like the present. Shane gets to his feet and wipes his hands on his joggers, trying to get the wet blood off. Shane looks at his hands again, but there is no change in the amount of blood. Panic rises and he runs to the kitchen sink. He turns the faucet on and sticks his hands under. Blood streams off in the water, but the amount on his hands remains unchanged. Shane feels overwhelming consternation. What is happening? Why won't the blood...blood. Mariah's blood...Mariah!

Shane feels the impact of the hard cement beneath his hands and feet. Turning around he shudders in disquietude as Mariah collapses. He hears the van's tires squeal loudly as it speeds away. The putrid smell of burning rubber mixes with the soft smell of freshly mowed grass. With great trepidation, Shane crawls towards his sister. Her flesh is still warm, but the lifelike color in her complexion has left. Shane feels the warm blood on his hands, and the puddles forming around his knees and feet.

Is there no escape? No relief?

Wait, no there is a relief. He must contact his dealer. Heroin is more than just a release, it's a new beginning. It is the end to all things tragic. It's the end of this overwhelmingly sickening reality. Yes, this is it. Shane turns around and walks out of the kitchen, the soft running of the faucet fading behind him. He walks out of the house and hails a cab. His hands shake as he calls his dealer to set up a meeting. The cabby drops him off in one of the warehouse districts on the harbor.