Getting Closer

Chapter Thirty Three - Charlie

"So how have you been?" Jules asks. On a particular warm November Saturday - a week before Thanksgiving - some mutual friends asked us guys to play basketball in a local park and naturally Max arrived with Jules.

After playing twenty minutes straight, I'm tired of missing nearly all of my shots today. I wish I was better at basketball as it's the sport that both Max and Seth are better at than I, but no matter what I do, I just completely suck at it. Wiping sweat from my brow, I turn to Jules and say honestly, "Fine."

"Just fine?"

I tilt my head. "Yeah? Shouldn't I be?"

Jules looks at me for a moment until her eyes flicks over to the others. When she presses her lips together, I get the sense that she's holding back something. Instead of pressuring her as I'm sure she's getting constant comments about her private photos being leaked and getting constant beratement, I just keep my silence and watch the guys race around and argue about fake fouls being committed.

Then just loud enough to be heard above the ruckus, Jules asks me, "Are you okay with this?"

Turning back to her, I ask, "This?"

She nods. Motioning to herself and Max, "Him and me. Are you alright with us dating?"

I blink at her. "Yeah. Should I not?"

Juliet shrugs. "Well I don't know. It's a bit weird right?"

"For you or for me?" When she doesn't answer, I know she just wants me to answer. Shrugging as well, I tell her honestly, "I guess it is. But more in the sense that I've never seen Max in a relationship before."

She frowns. "So you're not mad at us for being secretive? Or that I've only known you guys for a couple months and now I'm dating one of your best friends?"

Sighing, I straddle the bench so I can make sure she understands this when I say, "Jules. I don't blame you for liking someone, for making your own choices."

Jules stares into my eyes for a long time until I can see her mentally accept my answer. I don't want to admit to her that it is weird in my eyes but words cannot explain why I feel this way. Is it like she said and how they kept their relationship a secret? Or is it because they're so open that they're in love despite both of them denying it to go that far? Or is it because I'm jealous of how happy they are?

Eventually, Max has to sit down as well due to his knee locking up again and immediately he leans over to kiss Jules. But when he does, she shoves his head away. "You're all sweaty," she whines.

He gives her a knowing look. "That's never stopped you before," he says which earns him a punch in the shoulder. "Ow," he says as he rubs his shoulder. Sitting down, Jules gives him a look as if to say, cut back on the douchebagery.

For a while we're all silent, watching the game until Jules turns to us, "So what are you guys doing for Thanksgiving?"

"I'm going to Prescott for a family dinner," I say. It's a Evans family tradition to have Thanksgiving at my grandma's house. All of my father's family is from Prescott and my grandma still lives in her childhood home.

Max chugs his water and after wiping his mouth, he says, "I'm going to my aunt's house."

"And Seth?" Jules asks.

"Probably staying at home," I give her. I turn back to her and ask, "Why? Do you need a place to hang?"

Max turns to his girlfriend, obvious that she never said anything to him about this. Ignoring both of our stares, Jules just shrugs, "My parents are visiting my sister in Denver so I'll be home alone for the week."

"You have a sister?" Max asks.

"Yes," she sighs. "Tara is ten years older than I."

When she doesn't add anything else, I ask slowly, "And why aren't you going with them?"

Jules sighs and joins us on the same level bleacher. "Without going into the drama of it all, let's just simplify it as Tara is a bitch and hates me."

Max snorts but I just watch her act as if she's alright with this. "Well do you need a place to go on Thanksgiving?" I ask to revert back to the original conversation.

Jules shakes her head. "You guys don't have to offer. I can suffer by myself for one night." Then she sits up straight all of a sudden. "What if you guys come over on Friday? We can have a Friendsgiving together!"

"I don't know," Max says. "Being alone with us idiots in your house? Is that a good idea?"

She rolls her eyes. "Am I inviting monkeys over?"

"Can I invite Kate over?" I ask instead.

"Of course!" Jules shines. She then turns to her boyfriend. "And you? Will you come?"

"Do you even have to ask dipshit?"

After flicking his ear, Jules kisses his cheek and I have to turn away from their public display of affection. Instead, I rise again and tell Jules that I'll go to her Friendsgiving and I rejoin the basketball game. When I return, Seth sits down and I can overhear Jules asking him the same thing while I play. I already know Seth is going to join regardless.

As I continue to be shit at basketball, I try extra hard to sweat out my feelings. Lately I've just only been in shit moods despite no real reason for feeling this way. Life in theory has been good to me but yet I feel like screaming into a void or running away and hoping no one will find me.

Why?

Why do I feel so stuck in this rut?

Why do I feel like this?

And why does no one seem to see that I'm drowning?