Getting Closer

Chapter Thirty - Charlie

"Mr. Evans?"

My dad and I look up at the nurse calling for my father. I turn to him now and ask, "Do you want me in there with you?"

As he strains to get up, he waves his hand at me. "I'll be fine, kiddo."

Respecting his wishes, I watch as he hobbles off into the doctor's office, leaving me alone with my thoughts and other patients. I try to keep my mind off of my dad's health but looking at where we currently are, that feat is a little hard to accomplish.

Last year, my dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's, something that came to the shock to all of us. Though my dad seems positive that this is only a minor setback in the grand scheme of things, it really took a toll on my mom and I. Being a stupid teenage boy, I didn't quite understand the scope of this and how strained all of us became because of it.

Because I mostly spend my time with Max and Seth, I barely saw my parents scuffle over little things - and big things as well. So when my mom suddenly left in the middle of the night a couple months ago, it felt like the biggest blindside of them all. I know things didn't plan out the way she wanted, but to leave my dad in such a vulnerable state like that? To leave without even giving me a valid explanation? I'll never forgive her for that. Never.

Trying to ignore the sour taste in my mouth, I scroll through my phone which only makes me even more cross. Since Juliet's nudes were leaked, a lot of people have been coming up to myself and the guys and commenting on her body as if we thought of her as an object. One of the guys on the baseball team came up to us at lunch the other day and said the most vile thing ever which caused Max to snap. Suspended for a week for beating the hell out of Bryce, Max inadvertently told the entire school to shut the fuck up about Jules or else.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so awkward when it comes to human emotions. I felt so useless when I saw Juliet cry two weeks ago. I just stood there, on the phone with Kate who told us about what she saw on Twitter and I just didn't know what to do. And of all people, it was Max who had gone to her side, who had consoled her when she was down.

It's like my body breaks down the second it has to face anything other than happiness. I can't stand when people cry around me, I can't stand when others are too emotional, I can't stand being uncomfortable. I'm good at listening, but that's all I'm good for. I'm not the one that is comfortable being the shoulder people cry on, especially when it's literal. The other day, Kate cried because she got a bad grade in psychology and though I hugged her and kissed her, I still felt so uncomfortable by doing so.

The worst part of it all is that I can always tell I'm being awkward but I can't stop it. I wish I was like Juliet, who is so open with her feelings and is so comfortable with being herself with others. I've just been so accustomed with Max and Seth all my life that having new friends seems crazy and it's amazing that Jules has fit in so well.

Maybe I'm so uncomfortable with other's emotions because I hate facing them for myself. Hate courses through my blood but I can't express it. Though I'm fully aware of this all, I just simply can't do anything besides seethe to myself.

Words also can't explain how much I despise my mom right now. She occasionally texts me that she misses me and all this kind of nonsense. Though I miss her terribly, I can never forgive her for just leaving my dad like that. If she was so unhappy, there were other ways of getting out of here instead of moving thousands of miles away.

I hate so many aspects of my life and most of it seems out of my control. I don't know how to be the guy I was last year anymore. No worries, no troubles, just school, friends, and baseball.

My phone suddenly rings, snapping me out of my thoughts. Answering, I hear, "I'm skipping school after lunch. Wanna do anything?"

I sigh and look at my watch. Responding to Max, "I was supposed to go back after my dad's appointment."

"Call and say something else came up."

"So lie."

"Well anything but the truth."

"So lying."

Max scoffs on the other end. "How about I buy you and your dad lunch? I bet he'll appreciate it."

"He'd rather have us actually attend school."

Max is quiet for some time and I have to ask, are you still there? Max says, "Yeah. I'm here. I was just thinking."

"About?"

On his end, I can hear the school bell ring, but he just ignores it. "I know we all act like dipshits or whatever, but your dad is my dad, you know? And he shouldn't pretend to be okay for our sakes."

Getting choked up suddenly, all I can say is, "Yeah." Max is usually so distant when it comes to mushy topics but yet, here he is admitting something so vulnerable.

"I'll meet you at your house," Max says quickly before hanging up.

About a half hour of waiting for my dad, he emerges from the back looking defeated. I rise and join his side but he doesn't even pay me any attention. He signs up for another appointment in three weeks and mumbles we'll have to tell the school about it as well. When we're done, we slowly head to the truck. Once inside, he takes my hand and says quietly, "Thank you."

"I didn't do much."

He shakes his head and squeezes my hand. "You're here. That's more than enough."

"Dad-"

"You don't have to talk, kiddo. Just... continue to be you, Charlie. That's all I could ask."

About halfway home, I spring on him, "Max is taking us to lunch."

My dad smiles. "What a dumbass."

I snort. "Yeah. Yeah he is."