Getting Closer

Chapter Thirty Five - Charlie

Things are good.

They are.

Really.

The problem is... it's all moving too fast.

My senior year is almost halfway through and it feels like nothing has been accomplished yet. It just seems like nothing in classes are sticking in my brain despite what my good grades are saying. Things with Kate are good but I can't make myself go to a farther state despite her wanting to get to the next step. Seth and Max are the same but now Max spends half his time with Jules which is both good and still strange to think about.

I shouldn't complain.

I know I shouldn't.

But I can't help but to worry about what's coming next.

People are just so sure of where they want to go. It seems like my path is laid out in front of me but while I'm seeing the thick grey clouds of fog over the path, everyone else sees sunny skies and warm pavement. This uncertainty I feel is only expanding throughout the months and it feels like there's so end in sight. How can people so willingly jump into the unknown? I can barely breathe just thinking about it all.

Stepping out for fresh air after speaking with my mother for over twenty minutes, I let my dad have some privacy as he speaks with her. Sitting on my truck's hood, I whip out my phone and dial the first person that comes to mind.

On the fifth ring, she answers, "Hiya Charlie."

I smile softly. "Hey Jules."

"So what's up?"

I pause for a long time. "Do you have time to talk?"

"Of course," she answers right away.

I pause again. "Is Max with you?"

"No. Did you want to talk to him as well?"

"No," I say quietly. I suck in a breath. "I just need someone to talk to."

On her end, I can hear her fall onto her bed. "Okay," she says softly. "What do you wanna talk about?"

I sigh. "I just got off the phone with my mom."

"Oh," she says. A long pause. "It's been a while since you've talked to her, right?"

"Yeah," I confirm. My mom tried calling me on Thanksgiving but I refused to speak to her. If she can't be bothered to make the trip up here to see her only son, then who am I to even care about her?

I tell Jules this and she says, "She's still your mom, Charlie."

"She stopped being my mom the second she left me and my dad."

Jules pauses again, to figure out a different approach. "Okay... So what did you talk about with her?"

I shrug even though she can't see me. "She wants me to visit her in Florida. As if I would."

"Did you tell her that or give her a vague answer?"

"...Yes?"

Jules sighs on the other end. "Charlie. Sometimes you are very... let's say evasive."

"Umm..."

Jules snorts, "It's alright babes. We still love you regardless." As I mull over her information a bit more, she continues, "Look Charlie. I agree with you about your anger towards her. But you should also be very up front to her about that anger. Tell her why you're furious and then maybe you can start to heal."

"But-"

"From what I can gather," Jules interrupts, "your mother realizes what she did was wrong. But I think you should hammer it in to her how much she hurt your father, how much she hurt you. Once she realizes you will never forgive her then maybe she will realize that she will have to work so much harder to get on your good side again."

I sigh and stare out at the empty gravel parking lot, missing my mom's old Subaru. "Maybe you're right," I say quietly.

"Well maybe that's because I am right," she chuckles on the other end. "Now I'm sorry to be so rude but a certain clingy boyfriend is calling me."

"Oh, okay." Before we say goodbye, I add on, "Can we continue to talk later, Jules?"

"Sure," she says immediately. "I'll come over later tonight."

"Thanks, Jules. For everything."

"No problem, Charlie. I'll see you later, alright?"

I stay outside for ten minutes longer than I should or at least until I can't feel my limbs. Begrudgingly heading back inside, thankfully dad is done talking with mom. "She's worried about you," he says casually as I shuck off my jacket.

"She should be worried about you," I counter.

"Charles Anthony Evans," he says as he rises from his chair. It's been a long time since he's used my full name which makes me halt in the walkway. "I know you are angry with her and you are right in feeling that way, but do not disrespect her like that again."

I feel like a four year old being scolded at for taking a cookie before dinner. But I am no longer that kid. Fighting back, I say, "So she can blatantly disrespect you and your marriage but I can't be cold with her whenever she deems it right to call?"

"We will respect her choices," he says as he grows cross with me. "You will act civil because that is your mother and she deserves your respect."

"That's bullshit and you fucking know it!" I shout. At my fowl language, his eyes widen. "She left us, dad, in the middle of the night. She left you because she's a heartless person that ran from her family the second it got slightly difficult." My heart races as I stare my dad down. "She will get my respect the moment she finally admits that she's a fucking coward."

Too stunned to speak, my dad just stares and stares. Not wanting to be in this house, so full of memories of her, I shove my jacket back on and my shoes. Grabbing my keys, I quickly say, "I'll be back later."

"Charlie," my father says when I'm already out the door. I can still hear him shout, "Charlie! Get back here!"

But with the roaring in my ears, I head to my truck and drive off, not knowing where the hell I'm going.