i'm baaack, i wrote this in half an hour so I apologize for typos cuz I didn't proof read it 😅
Warnings: it's a sad imagine so uh crying, struggles with self image and body weight
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'Repeat' was playing in the small gym of Luke's LA house as you were crouched on the floor next to the treadmill and the shelf of weights.
Luke was out, recording new music with the band at Ashton's house and you had wanted to work out. You worked out at least twice a week, usually it made you feel better.
Luke always left you alone because he knew you didn't like working out when anyone was watching you or in the same room as you. He was the best roommate ever for always respecting that.
But lately your mind had caught up, gotten you tangled in thoughts of how little change was visible. You had been spending time in this room of the huge house for months now and… there was no difference.
Another sob made your shoulders shake, shaky hands feeling the floor for the oversized shirt. It had to be here somewhere, why couldn't you find it?
Why could the mirror in front of you not just go away, this huge wide wall of mirrors that existed in almost every gym and of course it had to exist in Luke's and your home gym as well.
You couldn't bear this anymore, knowing you would see yourself when you looked up. Still as tiny and thin as ever, just bones that could easily be broken as people always loved to remind you. A stick, no curves, no nothing. Or, well, all nothing.
You could still wrap your hands around your thighs just like before you had started this process. Except that it wasn't a process.
Yes, you had known that you had little to no chance of being able to change your body, the too fast metabolism that ran in your family being enough to prove that but all these videos on the internet, all those damn videos of people just sticking to it, continuously working out and getting results.
Even Luke grew muscles and he worked out once a week, if at all. Which you were proud of for him, really happy, because you knew he struggled with his body image as well.
That's why you cried alone. In a room you knew he wouldn't go into, at least usually.
You hadn't known how desperately you had needed him until you noticed movement in front of you - god knows for how long you had been sitting on the gym floor - and saw him kneeling in front of you.
You almost lunged for him as you threw yourself into his arms, crying into his shoulder. It was embarrassing to you how loudly you were sobbing, he shouldn't have to endure you like this.
"Hey", he whispered, arms holding you to his chest tightly.
That's all he said. A few times, over and over, just to assure you that he was here.
"I'm -", you tried but gave up. He rubbed his hand over your back but you drew back. He could feel your bones. And that was awful.
His blue eyes followed you, concerned as you pulled away from him.
"Did you hurt yourself?", he asked, still quietly, barely noticeable over his own singing voice playing from the speakers.
You grunted, face pulling into a grimace and bitterly thinking about how this would have been less bad than this.
"Y/N-", you shook your head.
"It's whatever, really"
"Definitely not" Luke said and got up. You thought he would leave you alone, like he should but he turned the music off and came back.
"Y/N, we always talk about things, do you not trust me?"
The hurt in his makeup littered face made you release more sobs. Of course you trusted him, he was your best friend and you loved him but he had so so many of his own problems to deal with, own insecurities, the band, the upcoming tour, what people thought of him online…
But he wasn't gonna leave. He sat there, in front of you, unmoving for minutes.
"I can…lift three times as much as when I started", you finally mumbled into the silence.
Luke tilted his head like he didn't know how to react.
You took a shaky breath, trying to calm yourself down but you still cried again when you added: "I look exactly the same though"
Understanding and pain washed over his face.
You didn't want him to, but you really did want him to when he hugged you again.
"I'm sorry", he whispered, trying his best to hold your shaking body in his arms. You were shaking like there was an earthquake, sobs sounding more like gasps now.
"I don't, don't wanna look like this! I d - don't wanna look lile some teenage boy wh - who hasn't even g - gone through puberty yet"
Luke knew it was useless to tell you that you didn't look like that.
"I love you the way you are"
"I don't!", you shouted, "And isn't that the only thing that matters? That I should like it?"
He didn't respond verbally once again. Somehow, he still made you feel a little safer in his arms.
"Let's get out of the gym for a while, hm?"
"But I don't wanna g - give up"
"You're not giving up, babe, you're taking a step away"
"But-"
"No buts, I promise we will figure something out"
You didn't believe a word he said.
His fingers carefully wiped the tears on your cheeks away, even though new ones followed.
"You're hysterical, Y/N, we won't get anywhere by crying til daylight", his arms slipped under your knees and behind your shoulders and you let him lift you up. You felt awful for how easy that must have been for him and how he could feel your bones pressing into his body.
"I'm really sorry but I will be forcing you to cuddle tonight", was your only warning.
You tried objecting by shaking your head, wiping your own tears because it made you angry that you started crying so much more again just by the thought of how he would be feeling all of your overly thin and bony limbs.
"I'll sing to you", he said on the way up the stairs to where his bedroom was, "And I will sing to you until we figured something out"
—
over 1000 words, woah😳😂
This ending is a little abrupt, I know, but it's kinda fanfic Luke saying that his music will be with her until she feels better, you know?
Anyway - idk what else to write, I wrote something and deleted them all lol so yea, see you in the next chapter? 😂 maybe, if you want to 😂😊
