Long road to go

Feeling loved

Stephanie

Luca's lips on mine make me forget why I'm fighting with him. It had something to do with me not wanting to see him again. Why do I want to break this off again? Oh, yes because he is a player and doesn't get into such serious relationships. Not the serious kind I want to be in.

I push Luke away with still the warm tingle on my hot lips. "We can't do this, Lucas, I'm a nobody, and you're one of the star players in school." He laughs as he grabs me by my hips and pushes me against his body. "Stephanie, I don't think you're a nobody. You're the most interesting girl in school. Do you know how hot that is?" I laugh at his smile, which, automatically, makes me smile for him. Intriguing me? In no way am I appealing or attractive. I'm a gray, boring mouse. "Luke, we need to get out of sight before someone from school sees us standing together." He smiles again and comes closer to me with his lips again. "Let them see," he says, causing my heart to start beating hard at his sweet words. Maybe another girl would not be so impressed by his words, but I am the fool who believes him. No one sees me standing, no one wants to be seen with me. Wherefore his words are absorbed into me like sweet honey.

Love was not the feeling I immediately felt with Luke, though my feelings were beginning to develop strength for him. It scared me. Most afraid of being hurt by him in the end and knowing I could have predicted it.

Suddenly, he releases my lips as he invited me to his home. Inside I am surprised by his warm parents who take me in their arms and make me feel like I have lived there all my life.

Suddenly, as we sit talking in the living room, I see the clock hanging above the door that it has already passed six o'clock. Swiftly, I say goodbye to go home as soon as possible, fearing that Mother will be angry with me again. The only way to avoid my mother and her anger is for my father to be home to calm her down.

When I finally arrive at our street, I feel a wry feeling. A feeling that something is wrong. When I stop in front of our house and put my bike in place, I notice that the lights are still out. This is almost impossible, mother has never forgotten to make dinner one day or not been home on time. She has problems, but when it comes to me, she is always very strict. I go inside and look around for Mother, who turns out not to be home. As I sit in my room, and it has already passed ten o'clock in the evening, I hear a doorbell ring down the hallway. I feel my heart beating hard in my chest as I walk down the stairs to the front door. I open the front door and see my father standing with two police officers beside him. When my gaze goes to my father, I know my feeling was right. "What happened?" I ask him with fear in my tone.

"Your mother lost her temper." No, no, what did she do now? It's not the first time she got into a fight with someone at the restaurant where she works, but after her time in prison, she had to have gotten smarter. "Fighting again?" I ask my father, even though I could already see it on his face. Then, too, when he remains silent, I know for sure. "This time," Father coughs away a lump in his throat before continuing. "She is, no more, with us." The tears that were developing in my eyes spontaneously streamed down my cheek. My mouth seemed sewn shut, so I looked up to my father in silence. The only thing that occupied my mind at that moment was that Mother would never come back. Even though she wasn't the best mother, she always did care for me.

Life just wasn't easy with her. No, it wasn't, besides her temper tantrums, my mother also had an alcohol problem. A problem I already had experience with because of my father's overuse of liquor. I found out that Mother also sometimes looked too deeply into the glass. Which now killed her.

Suddenly, I am pulled from my thoughts by two strong arms that embraced me and saved me from the cold floor below.

When I woke up the next morning, I still can't believe she was really gone. I even spent all morning looking for her, hoping the day before never had happened. After Father looked at me like I was crazy, he shook me by saying -I have to accept this, Mother is gone-. Mother's body is gone, and her soul is wandering around somewhere. It feels terrible, but it also feels like a relief. No more being beaten, no more screaming. No more fighting.

So the days passed, until the funeral arrived, and her loud family came to stay at our house. It was a mess and loud as hell. My head spun that I almost missed the funeral because of the pain I and my father were in.

Therefore, when I had already missed a few weeks of school, my father obliged me to go back. Mother was gone now after all, and the funeral had passed for days now. I have to say that I am just afraid to go back to school. Afraid to face Lucas after having ignored his messages for days. After all, I don't want his pity now. Now I am finally ready to be at peace with my mother's death without remorse.

At school, I feel everyone's eyes on me. Maybe it's because my hair isn't in a ponytail. No, I know why they are looking. I have changed, finally, I stepped out of the 80s and bought the clothes I deserved. Father didn't care about my clothes or my hair, he just gave me money and the freedom to be myself. I even got some makeup for my eyes and skin, so it doesn't look as white as normal. Guys even look at me when I walk past my locker. The only thing I haven't lost is my glasses. Not that I can't buy another one, I can.

Then later that day at home I decided to go for lenses anyway, thinking of the words Lucas said to me on the first date. After my begging for days, Dad ordered them anyway, with an exuberant response from me. Neither of us has been happier for years. Father had even stopped drinking.

"Wow, Stephanie, what happened to you?" Hunter asks me as he pushes my locker close. "I don't have to tell you anything, but if you still want to know, I finally chose myself." Instead of looking sad at my words, he looks at me with pride.

My heart warms at the feeling that he is proud of me. Even though he has no right to make me feel that way. "Sorry for your loss." He says before he hugged me. He hugged me and a thought spins through my head. A thought that must be forbidden. It's like a kind of joy or a feeling of happiness.

How can I even be happy in his embrace, with his girlfriend not far from us watching, with a gaze of pure hate? "Stop, Hunter, we are not friends." My words spill out of my mouth. The words that I can't see hitting him, as I am distracted by Lucas before I can notice his reaction.

My cheeks suddenly start to burn when Hunter's eyes follow me from something farther down the hall. Maybe this is not as innocent as he has thought when his friend has a not-too-happy look on her face. With a smile, I turn and follow Lucas to where he is about to take me.