Loving you hurts

3

God, Sirius would kill Remus on the spot if he knew anything about the way he'd touched you in those years spent apart...

~~

1977:

It was in your second to last year at Hogwarts that you and Sirius had finally confessed your feelings to each other after years of both secretly being obsessed. You'd only been together now for five months, but you knew you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him as did he with you. 

But despite the undeniable love you had for each other, there were still things you both found slightly irritating. For him, it was your naivety, your trust in others despite all you'd been through. For you, it was his rage, which often manifested into jealousy towards any male he felt had "disrespected" you or him. He'd already played a horrible prank involving fire on one boy simply because he asked to be your partner on a project - you were top of that class after all. Now, you were laying in the Marauders shared bedroom, that had practically become your own, as you anxiously waited for Sirius' arrival.

A few hours prior, you had been helping your classroom friend Samuel Frogmore with perfecting a spell - standing in the courtyard and talking him through it for over an hour. It was a Sunday so most other students were in bed or relaxing in Hogsmead, meaning it was perfect time to find a quiet space to practice in. Sirius had never liked Samuel, stating that the fellow Gryffindor was "obsessed with getting into your knickers" and "had it out for him from the start" - two statements that you rolled your eyes at and ignored.

But maybe he had been right, as out of nowhere just as you were leant into him to help guide his wrist movement, Samuel grabbed your face and kissed you - with quite a lot of passion. You jumped back and pushed him off, extremely shocked and annoyed.

"What the fuck Sam? You know I'm with Sirius! Why would you even do that?" You barked with a scowl, picking your bag up off the ground and starting to pace away. A part of you wanted to cry and another part wanted to punch him - either way you just wanted to get away.

"Wait! I'm sorry (Y/N)! I guess I read the room wrong!" He stammered, almost making you feel bad until he added "Why are you even with that dick? You know I'd treat you better!"

You scoffed "Fuck off" and quickly resumed your walk away, hoping no one had seen what just happened. Luck wasn't on your side though. Your eyes quickly caught onto a group of lads that had apparently been watching and someone hiding behind a pillar overlooking the courtyard. You groaned as soon as you saw the silver streaks of hair blowing behind that someone in the wind. Fucking Priscilla Merwell. She had always been a huge gossip and never a huge fan of you and so you knew this most certainly be twisted in some way and get back to Sirius. Almost as soon as she spotted your eye, she rushed away to begin the Chinese whispers.

A part of you thought about going down to Hogsmeade and telling him before anyone else could - although his reaction probably wouldn't be much better. But a bigger part of you was annoyed by how he acted like this, and would surely act up even more than usual because he had been right. You were upset that you'd lost a friend - someone who wasn't even ever your friend in the first place if all they wanted was to make a move on you - but you knew that Sirius wouldn't empathise with that and that annoyed you even more. Despite this, you were still excited at the thought of seeing him tonight. Although you saw him every night, every moment spent apart felt like forever.

By midday, your friends had already come to you saying they'd heard about something to do with you and Samuel Frogmore, each spouting more warped versions of the truth than the last. Part of the Chinese whispers element that was in the gossiping made you laugh due to how ridiculous it was, but knowing that Sirius would probably believe whatever the first one he was told said, the anxiety in your stomach began to play up again.

By the time evening came, you were laying in Sirius' bed and Lily in James', both of you chatting as you usually did about all sorts - usually your boyfriends. You were both excited and nervous to see him now and he was taking his damn time.

Suddenly, Remus, Peter and James burst through the door, instantly turning to you and warning "He's pissed off."

Your stomach dropped. Only seconds later the man himself arrived, stomping into the room and immediately shouting "You fucking kissed Froggy? Are you serious? What the fuck is wrong with you (Y/N)?"

"I didn't kiss him! He kissed me!" You shouted back, extremely offended that he'd believe such a thing. "Why would you even believe that?"

Your friends quietly shifted out of the room but waited listening by the door incase things got too heated.

"Great! So he kissed you! And what did you do back? Did you tell him you have a fucking boyfriend?" He scoffed to which you quickly replied "Godric Sirius! I shoved him off me, reminded him of your stupid existence and then told him to fuck off! Is that good enough for you?"

Visibly, he started to calm down slightly at that but still stepped towards you and put his finger under your chin so that you were looking him in the eyes. "Tell me you're mine." He growled. The dark look on his face was a strange mix of certainty and insecurity; dominant certainty that you would do as he asked, secret insecurity that you wouldn't mean it. "Tell me you're my girl."

Despite admittedly turning you on slightly, you were more upset than anything scoffed and hung onto his look for a second before irritably muttering back "I'm your girl."

From an outside perspective, he certainly could seem possessive to the point of it being dangerous to you, but you knew he'd never hurt you and a part of you loved being called his.

A moment passed, and almost like he was awakening from a trance, his body unclenched and his voice went soft."I love you (Y/N)." It was too late though, you were tired and sad; tears brimming at you eyes and you started to sniffle. This caused him to immediately frown as he realised how harsh he'd been, wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry darling. I shouldn't believe those ridiculous rumours or get so wound up. Please forgive me." He whispered, placing kisses on the top of your head. But you were still upset, refusing to look up at him and keeping your head buried in his chest as you lightly cried "You're such an asshole! Why don't you trust me? How could you believe that I'd ever kiss someone else? Especially Frogmore!"

"My angel." He cooed, moving so that you were both sat down on the bed. "I'm sorry. It's not that I don't trust you. It's that... well I guess I don't think I'm good enough for you. Part of me couldn't even blame you if you did leave me for a geek like Froggy... He does have a much more promising future-" You lifted your head up and kissed him on the lips, shutting him up immediately.

"I can't bare to hear you talk down on yourself darling, you know I love you more than anything." You whispered "I belong to you and only you" knowing those words were what he needed to hear, and you did truly mean them. He grinned at you and pulled you in for another kiss, this one considerably more passionate that soon landed you both cuddling under the covers with giggles.

"I fucking love you so much, but still know that Frogmore is gonna die tomorrow." He whispered between the pecks he was placing along your neck.

"I know." You snorted, really not doubting it.

~~