Loving you hurts

8

Despite the bittersweetness of it all; the great injustice that had been served, the wasted years of heartache and misery, it still felt too good to be real. This was all you'd wanted for the last twelve years; the thing that kept you up at night and fuelled your drinking in the day, and now it had come to fruition and you couldn't be happier. Sirius felt the same, once again tightly hugging you and burying his face into your hair, taking a deep inhale of your scent.

"I thought I'd lost you forever... I can't believe you're really here right now." You choked out, your fingers digging into his back as you desperately held onto him. "I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I'm here now. It's okay." He whispered and placed a kiss on your head, trying remain calm for you despite his voice cracking and the tears falling heavier from his eyes. His arms tightly held you against his chest and he buried his face in your hair once again, continuing to whisper "It's okay, I'm here now."

Tonks had started to silently tear up as she watched, her hand in Remus' - who was also feeling the emotion and trying not to well up himself. A great injustice had been served, not just to Sirius, but to everyone who loved him - something made clear by your current reaction. It reminded the lycanthrope of how you'd cling to him after your nightmares but even more intense, even more desperate.

However, there was also an undeniable tear of joy threatening to spill out of his eye if he didn't keep blinking it back. A fire had been sparked in his belly at the sight of the reunion - a warm, happy fire; an intense feeling of relief and excitement. His two best friends had finally had their wishes come true and that meant that so had he, as all he ever wished for was their happiness.

Sirius could've stood there holding you for a lot longer, but he was still extremely tired - recovering from his escape - and he figured that you could probably do with some sleep. He lifted his head and loosened his arms slightly, which made you look up at him in worried confusion - panic setting in for a second.

"Hey hey, sssh, it's okay." He quickly whispered, sensing your worry. "Let's go to bed princess, I've been dying to fall asleep with you in my arms again. We can talk properly in the morning."

As you realised how tired you were at the word 'bed', there was nothing you wanted more. Another sniffle came from your nose and you nodded, beginning to make your way up the first stair - keeping your hand in Sirius' and completely forgetting that Remus and Tonks were even there in your drunken, emotional state. Sirius remembered though, sending his friend a grateful smile before trailing upstairs closely behind. You almost tripped as you made your way up, Sirius' free hand quickly moving to your back to catch you.

As soon as you reached the bedroom, you pulled him down onto the bed with you and laid on top of him, wrapping your arms around him again which made Sirius chuckle.

"Calm down darling. I'm not going anywhere, never again." He said quietly with a smile, gently shifting you off him and to his side. "I just wanna hold you like this."

With those words, he slid one arm under your side and the other around your waist, tightly spooning you - just like he used to. He nestled his face into your neck and placed a kiss before speaking again.

"I've been dreaming of this moment for so long. It's hard to believe that this is all real."

"I know... I'm still not quite sure if it is all real." You quietly replied, your smile audible in your voice but then dropping as you continued "I'm scared that it isn't, and if I fall asleep I'll wake up and you'll be gone."

You were overrun by your emotional exhaustion; relief, shock, joy, drunkenness, and had started to feel sleepy as soon as his arms were around you. The arm around your waist tightened and his hand squeezed yours before he placed another, longer kiss on your neck.

"I won't be, I promise. I'm never leaving you again. It can't happen again. " He whispered, half trying to convince himself too. A flash of bad thoughts - ones of losing you again - ran through his mind for a second, triggering him to grit his teeth and take a breath before quickly inhaling your scent and attempting to ground himself again. He squeezed you tightly, as tight as he could without hurting you and buried his face into your hair. "I love you so much (Y/N). I really do."

"I love you too Sirius." You replied quietly, being on the verge of sleep. "We're going to make up for all the time." You yawned "I promise."

The sound of your soft, sleepy voice - just as cute as he remembered it - he began to feel calm again and a small smile spread across his lips. He loosened his arms slightly, relaxing into you and soon you both found yourself comfortably asleep for the first time in a long time.