This is all a joke. I hate kyman SO MUCH it's like the worst fucking ship ever dude. I've also never written a fanfiction in my life so this is a first for me.
my friend told me to write this, so this is why this exists.
If you genuinely like Kyma...
I didn't feel like eating lunch today, I lost my appetite after screaming at Cartman. He's the worst. Skipping school wasn't the worst idea.. I'm currently caught up with all my work besides whatever new bullshit project that was assigned today. Missing the rest of the day wouldn't really matter..
20 minutes later
How did I end up in this situation. Eric Theodore Cartman is fucking unconscious next to a broken swing. What the fuck. Now I feel like I have to help this dipshit or else my conscious will eat at me and make me feel like I'm the embodiment of satan or whatever.
I try to pick up Cartman or drag him, anything really. His fatass is too heavy. I mean how bad can it really be? He couldn't have fell too high, maybe he's just being dramatic to fuck with me.
I collect some sticks, well only like 2 sticks. I just poke Cartman with them, like everywhere. He still isn't moving though.. He is breathing of course, which is good I guess
20 minutes later... again
I'm beat, I managed to drag Cartman all the way to his house, although now he looks like a plucked chicken. He's super scraped up from being dragged against the concrete for 15-20 minutes, which is definitely my fault. I could've called his mom or maybe even the ambulance. But I wasn't really thinking logically in the moment, and I was too committed to my idea.
I open his front door, I guess his mom didn't lock the door. I drag Cartman inside his house, up each stair to return him to his bedroom. His head hits each stair like someone punching a punching bag, which was pretty funny in a fucked up way. The house was mostly silent..
Creeekkkkk creeeekkkkkkkk
It sounded like a bed, or old wooden floorboards? I don't really care. I think it's coming from Cartman's mom's room, but she's basically the biggest whore of the town so I don't want to deal with whatever situation there is.
Eventually i'm in Cartman's room, I struggle a bunch to get him onto his bed. But I succeed. Cartman looks so much worse than he did when I originally found him. Oops.
He looks oddly peaceful when passed the fuck out, even when he looks like he went through a cheese grater. I felt blush creeping up to my cheeks. Jesus Christ.
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I just kept staring, I literally couldn't stop. Like I physically can't. Every-time someone stares at the picture I'm reput in the situation where I stare at Cartman all flustered, it's really annoying. Anyway.
I began to get closer to Cartmans face. Does this count as sexual assault? Is kissing someone without them being conscious to consent sexual assault or just basic assault? Is this even assault? I don't know, I don't care.
I mash my face into Cartman's, giving him a big smooch on the lips. I guess I've succumbed to being a homosexual.
That's when I heard some weird groan, well it sounded like a cow with asthma.
