Mine | Draco Lucius Malfoy

6. Drowning

Soon hours pass then what felt like days, I lay hopelessly in my bed of despair. Occasionally a quidditch accident would come into the hospital wing and par that my day was extremely boring, the only person who would come to see me was Blaise, he topped me up on events happening with other students.

According to him Theo's father pulled Pansy and him out of school for the week so they could work on an assigned mission, honestly it just sounded like an excuse for them to fuck each other.

The sun began to peak over the trees causing light to haze through the window, the room was frosty and regardless of the blankets I was under goose bumps still plastered my body.

I leaned my head back resting against my pillows, the dawn light was very comforting, almost peaceful.

It was only me and a very quiet first year in the hospital wing I had tried to make conversation with him but my efforts were to no avail.

Honestly the only thing I needed right now was a couple blunts, for the past few days Blasie has been the only thing distracting me from my thoughts, the guilt was weird it almost felt like it was digging into my heart.

I kept thinking about Sunday and the meeting, my brain never stopped, I've learnt a couple things in my life and one of them being people often suffer more in the recovery than in the event yet it's only the event others tend to notice.

I closed my eyes and bit my lip, "I can't live in this hole again" I whispered as the thoughts continued to race.

It's rather funny, father always used to hit me but this time... this time was different, this time I don't think he was going to stop.

The emotional pain began to blister in my throat, there was no way I was going to cry. My head felt so noisy yet there was nothing there.

I placed my hands around my neck and shook my head, I was not going to spiral again, not after last time.

I peered over to the tray next to my bed with the nurses tools, there glistening in the light was a scalpel. I paused and didn't remove my hands from my neck.

The blistering pain in my throat only increased as I debated relapsing after so many years.

I knew it would stop the noise and make everything go quiet but the recovery took years, even worse nobody knew, the scars faded soon did the thoughts.

But now the thoughts we're back and I couldn't help wonder should the scars be aswell. My vision was fixed on the tray for what felt like minutes but really the seconds passed by slower than the frost melted at first light.

The one thing I craved, the one thing I needed, silence...

so I took the scalpel.

I lifted my self from the plank of wood they called a bed and started making my way down the frosty halls.

I finally caved and let out a small sob and the blistering pain stopped, a tear began to fall down my cheek and suddenly the noise in my head became so much louder, drowning out the pain of my dressed wounds.

My walking increased and I found my self in the prefects bathroom, much to my surprise it was empty, no black out drunkards or stoned people passed out on the floor, empty.

I made my way to the last stall and locked the door, I leaned against the cold stone walls and melted down until I was sat with my knees pressed against my chest.

My heart was thumping out of my chest and noise was drowning out anything else, I needed it all to stop.

I needed to peace, the pain, the pain that numbed the stabbing I felt in my heart. I lightly pressed the blade against my skin, not enough to cut it, so I sat there and realised there never really is a 'temporary' the pain that you feel never really leaves.

So I pressed down and blood began to run down my arm, I moved up my arm all the way up to my elbow making slits, the pain made me smile, the only thing I could hear was the echo of my own thoughts.

The quiet.

I sat there and watched the blood fall and curve down my arm. The sting was desirable and I sat there accompany to my head.

The drowning had stopped and the realisation arrived, I began to cry... the tears trickled down my face, this cannot be my life.

I continued to cry leaned against that stone wall, sat in a pool of my own blood waiting for the friendly darkness to join me once again.

But it never did, minute after minute the pain continued and the noise grew louder, I picked my self back up and my vision was invaded by black dots, I leaned against the wall, then I reached the realisation my top was covered in blood and I had nothing to cover my arm.

I was stuck.

"Hello?" I spoke out hoping someone might be on the other side of the door, no response. "Hello!" I yell and footsteps began to arise from the distance.

"Are you alright?" A male voice came from the other side of the door.

A voice I knew.

"Fred?" I asked sounding almost desperate, you could hear the pain in my voice.

The noise outside the stall paused and the voice came again.

"Lilly?..." he paused "Lilly it's George, are you alright?" I sighed with relief tears still streaming down my face.

I didn't respond, "Lilly?" The voice came again.

"Do you want me to get someone for you?" He asked and I paused, the boys could not know about this.

"Do you have something I could wear?" I ask and he could tell I was crying. Silence filled the room and I waited on his response, seconds later a black hoodie came over the top of the stall door.

"Will that do?" he asked back with a comforting voice. "Yes, thank you." I replied and slipped it on, the hoodie reached down over my arse, the arms covered my hands and it smelt of the twins.

Oh how I missed that smell.

The latch of the stall door opened and George was stood on the other side. He smiled and gave me a big hug and I just cried into his chest.

In truth he knew nothing, he didn't know what was going on the only thing he could see was the small pool of blood I left on the floor.

His eyes turned from sympathetic to concerned, "Lills, do you need some help?" He asked and I shook my head filled with desperation and he agreed.

We made our way back to my common room and he made sure I got there, nor him or I shared a word the entire time.

After he left I entered the common room, by now I didn't look like I had been crying.

Draco and Blasie were on the sofas, the common room was chirping with people who were waiting for breakfast to open.

Blasie waved me over and I smiled before heading their way.

"Nice hoodie, who did you sleep with?" Blaise jokes, I shake my head and hit him in the side, "oi" he responds jokingly.

I spun Draco's ring on my finger self consciously, I looked up to meet his gaze and he was already looking at me, his eyes were difficult to read, I couldn't tell if he was mad or happy.

Knowing him probably mad.

"We're going for breakfast, wanna come?" Blasie asks. And I shake my head "I've already had some before I got dismissed from the hospital wing" Blaise nods his head but Draco doesn't move.

"Who's hoodie is that?" Draco speaks in my head and I flick my gaze his way. "Really? We're doing this right now?" I reply and he didn't respond. I shook my head.

I didn't answer his question. "I'll see you guys in first." I say before getting up and going towards the dorms. "Don't walk away from me Lilly." The voice comes again and I chuckle "I'll do whatever I want Malfoy." I reply before making my way up the stairs.

I needed to change into my robes, this was going to be a long day.