Reflections of Healing

chapter four: social butterfly

I was chilling in my room, scrolling through Instagram when I noticed a flurry of notifications. My classmates had suddenly started following me and adding me to group chats. I smiled as I looked at my social progress. It was a satisfying feeling to finally be a part of something.

I eagerly joined in on the conversations, adding my two cents here and there. I felt like I was finally making friends and becoming a social butterfly. It was a rush of excitement to be included in these groups, and I felt like I was finally fitting in.

Later that day, I got invited to go out with some of my new friends from school. We decided to go to a nearby park and hang out. As we walked, they talked about their interests and hobbies, and I listened intently, trying to find common ground. I felt like I was in a different world, one where I belonged.

Ash was talking to me about her love for anime and some stories she has been reading, kate and ruby were debating which artist was better, anita and ethan were petting some random cats, it felt good.

I laughed at their jokes and even made a few of my own. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was genuinely having fun. It was like all my worries had vanished, and I was able to let loose.

As we were leaving the park, ruby invited me to a party that weekend. I hesitated for a moment, but then I remembered how much I enjoyed being around them. I agreed to go, feeling excited and nervous at the same time.

That night, as I lay in bed, I couldn't help but smile at the thought of being included. It was a new feeling, and I didn't want it to go away.

That being said, I couldn't shake off the fear of my real personality slipping up. What if I said or did something that gave away the fact that I wasn't really who I appeared to be? The thought of losing the newfound acceptance and friendship made me feel sick to my stomach.

And the fact that my bestfriend left me because of it made me be scared and upset even more.

I tried to push the thoughts aside and focus on the positive aspects of my day. I had made progress, and that was something to be proud of. But the nagging feeling of imposter syndrome continued to linger in the back of my mind.

As I closed my eyes, I made a promise to myself to keep up the facade. To keep pretending until it became second nature, and maybe one day, I wouldn't have to pretend anymore. But until then, I had to be careful, cautious, and always one step ahead.

And most importantly, don't trust anyone too much.