First Day At Work

Part 8

 You wonder what it means. The folded up note bothered you in your pocket. Rob moved towards the key in the wall, "I guess, we just input a floor and press the button on the key." Rob says.

"Alright. Give it a try." You respond. Rob punches the floor to HR and presses the button. The elevator doesn't seem much faster than before, but you blinked then you realized you were already there and the elevator door dings open.

"Wow," Rob says, "This is literally magic. How is this possible?" You exit the elevator and enter a hallway with a large opening to the left of you. There you see a waiting room that resembles the DMV.

"Hold onto that key." You tell him. The room is gray and unflattering and chairs line the walls with a few people looking half asleep in the corners. On the far side in the center is a widow and a door next to it. You and Rob walk up to the window and you ring a little bell on the counter. Nothing happens yet, "This place seems a little depressing. At least the lunch room had food." A fly is buzzing around the room rather loudly and it's the only sound to be heard. Until someone in the corner starts snoring. The sound of it woke him back up.

After a moment you hear something in the room behind the counter and someone emerges to greet you from around a corner. Behind the counter is a small little office cubicle. This woman is rather large and doesn't leave much wiggle room. She wears a pair of glasses as a necklace, "How can I help you?" She asks.

You respond, "I'm here for some... forms. Uh, I'm the office specialist." You can't remember the names of the forms.

"Alright," She says, then her desk phone rings and she tells you to please hold on. She seems alarmed and looks at you then down at her desk. She agrees with the person on the phone and hangs up, "Okay, that was the boss. He said I need to take you guys to orientation right away. So if you could please enter the door on your right that would be great."

And Rob takes the lead as you both enter and inside is another hallway. At the end there's a door with a glass window in it and some other doors on the sides, maybe 5 doors total. The heavy woman exits to the hallway and tells you to follow her. She opens the door at the end, which opens up to what looks like a holding cell with a tv mounted on the wall, "Oh, I'll be right back." She says and leaves you two in the room.

"This looks like a jail." Rob says. She returns with two fold up metal chairs and she hands them to you.

"Alright, after you have watched the video you can come back and see me at the window. It won't take long." And she leaves the room and closes the door.

"This is really weird." You say as you open the chairs and sit down.

The screen turns on and a video begins to play, "Hello." A woman's voice says, "Welcome to HumanoCorp." A cheerfully generic song plays and some shapes move around on the screen with a logo for the company, "We know you have many questions. Sit back and relax and let's start with the basics." A woman appears and is talking to the camera, she looks very basic, "You probably are wondering what you're doing here." A slideshow of cheaply animated figures begins to play below the woman, "You were chosen to be a part of our ever expanding team because you possess skills that we deem to be desirable. Your work here will be the most important thing you have ever done in your life." The woman turns and the camera cuts to meet her again, "Also good news! Immortality is real. And you've been chosen as one of the lucky ones. Think of this place as heaven. You will love it here so much!" You can Rob both look at each other.

"Did I hear that right?" He asks you.

The woman continues, "Have you ever wondered why so many people go missing every year?" The video shows a missing poster for a random man, "The friend who's stopped returning your calls. The man who left for cigarettes and never came back. The guy who went camping and never came home. Well, chances are, they ended up here. With us." The woman comes back, she sounds painfully happy, "We've operated right under your nose all this time! Everything you've enjoyed in life, your hot cup of coffee. The electrons that run through your wires. The photons that radiate from the sun. It all begins here."

The scene ends and after a moment she appears again, this time in a different outfit and she's sitting in a chair by a fireplace in a cozy home, "Oh hi, I was just thinking, wouldn't it be great to be a part of a team? A team so important that if you didn't do your job, well, the whole universe could collapse on itself? That's where you come in. Your job is so valuable, so important, so essential, that no one else could fill your role. And it's with a heavy heart that I tell you, you can not go home. HumanoCorp is your home now. I'm glad we had this chat." You look at Rob with a grimace.

"What is this? A joke?" You speculate.

The scene transitions and this time it's another figure. A tall looking man with a tight belt, his gut hangs over it slightly, "Hi I'm Tom. I've worked for HumanoCorp for centuries and I've never been happier," His eyes were lifeless, but he had a convincing smile, "Sometimes I think, I'd love to go home. I'd love to sit on my couch and relax, but then I remember. No one else can do my job. I find comfort in knowing that if I ever took a day off, civilization could end as we know it." A little beep comes from his watch, "Welp, that's time, it's been nice to chat with you. Now back to work." The man says happily and the screen fades to black.

The same woman as before appears again, "Every role here at HumanoCorp has been specially designed to fit your personality and skills. Let's look at this example, the screen splits to show a man pressing buttons near a conveyor belt, "This is Joe, he doesn't have an education, in fact, he was dropped on his head as a child and is very impaired." Joe faces the camera and waves, "Even Joe has a special job just for him." Joe waits for an unrecognizable object to cross the conveyor belt and he presses a button, "See! Even Joe can do it."

"Now let's dig a little deeper," The woman says, "You might be wondering, Where am I? How did I get here?" The woman smiles, "These questions are so unimportant, the questions you should have are, When can I start my new job? And, How can I achieve excellence?" An annoying backing track starts playing, "Well, we've got good news! You start today! And you'll have so many opportunities to go above and beyond. You'll achieve excellence in no time. You'll receive a pamphlet with additional information on your specific job title from your manager. Good luck out there!" And the screen fades to black for the final time.

"What the fuck," Rob says, "Was that?"

"Maybe this is hell." You say only half jokingly.

"Yeah, I've got some questions for HR alright." Rob says. And you both exit the room and return to her window in the waiting room. Rob approaches the desk, "Excuse me," He says to her, "I have a hungry cat at home!" He dings the bell on the desk and she comes around the corner eating her lunch.

"Would you like to file a complaint?" The woman asks.

He just looks confused, "Uh, yes I would." He fills out a little form and hands it back to her, "When do we get off?" He asks.

"When do you get off? What do you mean?" She asks.

He gets more irritated, "When do we go home for the day?"

"Oh," She laughs, "Didn't you pay attention to the video?"

You watch him as he pulls at his hair, he crouches down and looks at the floor, "I have to get out of here." He says.

The woman looks at you, "Your specific job training will be back at your office for you." She continues eating her lunch.

You finally remember the name of those forms you needed, "Oh yeah, I need those SAP forms." You tell her.

Rob heads back to the elevator and you catch up with him, "Don't do anything stupid, I'm just as confused as you. We will figure this out." He doesn't respond.

Back inside the elevator, Rob inserts the key and inputs floor one and presses the key button, "Floor not found. Please try again." Says a voice over the speaker.

"I tried that earlier." You say. Rob gets angry and kicks the wall and hits it with his hand, but still doesn't say anything to you. He inputs floor two and presses the key.

The elevator door opens with a ding.