My Life Is Turning Into A Fanfic !

Onions are bullies.

Onions are bullies.

*****

Harry's P.O.V.

"Get that thing away from me!" a girl screeched. Ugh, what's going on? I looked at my phone to check the time – it was 1pm. Does nobody know how to wake a guy up? I peeled myself off the makeshift couch 'bed' I had slept on, rubbing my eyes. I could feel myself regretting the decision to be a gentleman, as my back ached when I made my way over to the door.

"No. No! NO!" The voice screamed. As I walked into the living room, my eyes landed on Louis, who was chasing Jasmine, holding something in his left hand.

"Morning, lad." Liam chirped. I grunted back, as a reply. He may be a morning person, but I am not.

"Help!" Jasmine yelled. I had a sudden fluctuation of energy, ran over, and pounced on Louis. He wailed as he fell to the floor. His body cushioned my fall, so I didn't feel much pain. I picked up the object that Louis had been holding, as he lay on the floor groaning. An onion. Why was he chasing Jasmine with an onion? I walked over to her, onion in hand, and for every step I took towards her, she took one backwards. This continued until her she came into contact with the wall.

"Are you scared of onions, love?" I asked her. She nodded timidly, flinching away from me. "May I ask why?" A fear of onions isn't exactly common...

"Because they're mean!" she exclaimed. I raised an eyebrow at her, beckoning for further explanation. "They make people cry!"

"Because they make people cry." I repeated, chuckling at her. I couldn't help but laugh at her awful joke.

"And they taste bad! Onions are bullies." She added, scrunching her nose up. I placed the onion on the floor and threw my hands in the air.

"In that case, no onions." I told her.

"Yay!" she exclaimed as she pulled me into a grateful hug. I hugged her back, then quickly picked her up and threw her over my shoulder. "Where are you taking me?" she asked.

"To my room." I replied. "To bang."

"Niall!" she screamed. He jumped at the mention of his name. "This is non-consensual! Help me!"

I picked up my speed and ran to the opposite side of the room. Niall wasn't getting his hands on my girl.

"Help?!" she yelped hopelessly. Louis leaped up from his previous position, on the floor.

"Did somebody call for help? Superman is here!" Louis yelled. I realised that I had stopped paying attention to where I was going, when Louis and Niall cornered me.

"Shit" I muttered.

"Watch your language, young man!" Jasmine yelled in my ear.

"Sorry, Jaz." I apologised, wincing at the volume of her voice.

"You're gonna pay for that!" Liliana yelled. "Put my Jaz down!"

"Never!" I retaliated. "She's mine now! Muhaha!"

I heard Liam sigh. "I'll handle this." He said, stepping up to me. "Harold, put Jasmine down this instant, or no more Mexican food for a month!"

"Fine." I huffed, placing Jasmine back on the floor. She straightened her pyjamas, as everyone returned to what they were doing previously, leaving Jasmine and I alone.

"Thank you!" she exclaimed, in an exasperated tone, getting ready to walk away.

"Not so fast, you!" I said, catching her hand and pulling her back towards me.

"Hmm?" she questioned.

"Don't I deserve a reward for saving you from Louis?" I asked, grinning.

"Oh, you want a reward after kidnapping me?" she laughed. "How about I make you breakfast?"

"How about a kiss instead?" I asked, grinning. I leaned in, but she turned her head at the last minute, so all I got was cheek. I drew back surprised. "Not good enough."

"Actually, my cheek is awesome." She told me; feigning hurt.

"But I prefer your lips." I whined.

"Guys, you're gonna make me sick." Zayn groaned from his seat, not too far away from us. I turned to Zayn, about to start an argument, when I realised that Jasmine had managed to sneak off. I darted after her, but she leaped on to Niall's lap before I could reach her.

"Hello!" she chirped, slinging an arm around him.

"How may I help you today, ma'am?" he joked.

"Jasmine, come back!" I whined.

"Why do you want her?" he asked me.

"He's trying to seduce me." Jasmine told Niall, sticking her tongue out at me. "Stay back, or else!"

"Or else what?" I scoffed.

"Or else... I'll kiss Niall!" she threatened. She wouldn't. Calling her bluff, I took a step towards her. She kissed Niall on the cheek, and I stopped in my tracks. I saw Liliana's face fall a little too.

"Okay, you win!" I groaned in defeat.

"Can I have food, please?" Niall asked Jasmine sweetly. She sprung off his lap.

"Sure, I'll make pancakes!" she chirped.

"No!" Liliana protested.

"Why not?" Niall pouted.

"She will poison you!" she exclaimed. "Do you really want to recreate the last pancake disaster we had?"

Jasmine had a reminiscent look plastered across her face, before replying, "Yes, they tasted Amazayn!"

"Fine." Liliana groaned, rolling her eyes.

"Yay!" Both Jasmine and Niall cheered.

"Who's gonna help me?" Jasmine asked.

"Me!" Louis yelled.

"Like I'm trusting you two in the kitchen." I protested. "I'll help."

"Come on then!" she chirped, grabbing my hand. We ran through to the massive kitchen and stopped at the island, in the centre of the room. "So... do you know how to make pancakes?" she mumbled.

"What?!" I exclaimed. "After all that, you don't even know how to make them?!"

"I can't remember the ingredients! I haven't cooked in ages! My mum wouldn't let me touch the oven since I set it on fire!" she whined, trying to defend herself.

"That wasn't your best argument, pal." I chuckled. "Don't worry, I'm an excellent chef!"

"Is that a challenge?" she asked. I nodded. "Okay, but the winner gets to make the loser do something of their choice!"

"Deal." I said, shaking her hand in agreement. "This is going to be fun."

"It is on, like Donkey Kong." She said.

"Too right, it is." I said, stepping towards her. "You're cute when you're competitive."

"I..." she muttered, blushing. "Remind me how to make pancakes?"

*****