"I don't know why I said I don't know."
"Yeah, it's fine. It's totally fine," he replied.
Yeah, it's fine, I guess.
I gave both of us space at that time. Some space for me to think, think about whether should I just let go of him. Should I let him know about the reason? Or just let it be till the time comes?
We didn't talk for a couple of days. Just a few days, but I've forgotten exactly how many it was.
I finally took the initiative to talk to him first.
"Hey, so what now?"
"What do you mean by 'what now'?"
"You know like there needs to be an actual ending."
"Ending?"
It seemed like I'd said a word wrong.
"No, not ending-" I haven't had enough time to type all the words I wanted to say.
"You want to end this?"
I hesitated. This was a great opportunity to just let go of him. But my heart, my heart aches so much.
What else can I do? One side is my parents, another side is the first boy I loved so much in my life.
Who wins? An interesting question for y'all.
"Yeah, let's end it," I hesitated for so long, finally pressing the send button. He has seen the message but didn't reply. I know he felt so hurt, but what else can I do?
I didn't want him to worry, I didn't tell him the true reason why I did all this. I know he overthinks many things, he's a sensitive person. An amazing guy, but sometimes his thoughts can go dark and wild.
Without him replying, I continued.
"Just an advice, next time when you date another girl-"
My mind can't stop overthinking.
Another girl? How can he love another girl? I love him so much and I know HE LOVES ME TOO!!!
Tears rolled down my cheeks while I was typing halfway.
He deserves a better one, I shouldn't be so selfish. I didn't treat him right. It's unlucky for him to meet me. So unlucky for us to fall in love.
I continued typing.
"....next time when you date another girl, please don't send annoying messages every day, about the same thing, or even blame her. You have to try to cheer her up, make her happy, try to save the relationship."
I banged my head on the table very hard. Tears again. I didn't dare to cry loudly, I didn't want my parents or my sister to hear it. I didn't want them to worry, this was all my fault and I should be the one who was handling all the consequences.
"Thanks for the advice but," he wrote. "I think I will never fall in love with another girl again."
I bit my lips. I looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath. He should deserve a better one, he had been through so much but I still have to leave him. I felt so bad.
"Maybe, I guess so," I replied.
He will never know what happened, he never will.
YOU ARE READING
My Life: Tangled Hearts
Romance*prequel of My Life: Fading Flames* Because Jane's parents realized that she was dating a guy at school, both of them banned her from using her phone. She was out of her mind and decided to break up with her boyfriend, Noah. After a few months, Jane...
