Boundaries

Chapter 28

Orion carries out the pre-planned arrangements for Ellie's funeral, and for once, Dylan doesn't argue.

Dylan had arranged his father's funeral without batting an eye, his thoughts completely focused on his pack and protecting his mother. This time around he feels as though he is grieving enough for the both of them. Perhaps he is.

He lays on his bed, near catatonic, allowing himself to fall apart. A stray tear slips down his cheek at the realisation that he is happy.

His life for the last few years has been nearly intolerable. Watching his mother; his scatty, eccentric, beautiful mother, whom he adored, blur and fade had been the worst kind of torture imaginable. And he had endured it day in and day out. Why?

Because it was better than the alternative, he thinks to himself. Or, at least, that's what he had told himself.

But it wasn't better. This is better.

His mother is gone now. No more confusion or pain or upset. She's with his father, at last, and he feels relief surge through his body at the thought.

Guilt follows just as quickly.

What kind of a monster is he, to be glad that his mother is dead?

He reconciles himself with the fact that the woman who died wasn't really his mother. Her body had birthed him, her hands had held him, but she wasn't his mother. His mother, the woman he knew and trusted with every secret but one, she had left him a long time ago.

He closes his eyes for a moment, taking a few deep breaths before sitting up.

There's a lot to do, and he can't face another moment with the never-ending guilt and relief that vie for his attention.

He gets up sluggishly, making his way downstairs.

His clothes are crumpled, his eyes sore and tired, but he doesn't think anyone will mind particularly. He makes his way into his office, pausing when he finds Orion sat in his chair. The sight is distinctly odd, and for just a moment, Dylan can't feel his body. He stands in the doorway like a ghost, an apparition watching a future he had never anticipated as his spirit drifts from his physical form.

Orion glances up at Dylan's entrance, his expression pinching just a fraction at his mate's appearance.

"Dylan?" He says softly.

"The funeral?" Dylan asks, wincing as his voice cracks.

Orion swallows, his fingers fidgeting tensely.

"Everything's sorted. It's this afternoon." He says.

Dylan nods vacantly, glancing around his office like a stranger.

He feels an odd compulsion to apologise to Orion. His brows crumple, wishing with everything in him that for once, one aspect of his life could just be simple.

"You followed the instructions?" Dylan asks hoarsely.

Sam had provided Orion with the envelope that had sat, unopened for years in the bottom drawer of Dylan's desk. The funeral plan for his mother, when her time came.

Orion nods, inwardly cringing. He remembers how horrified he had been when he had opened it, scanning the detail with which Dylan had planned his own mother's funeral. God how he wished he had been here earlier, had done something sooner.

It had been that moment that he had really seen the cruel affects that 'growing up' had inflicted on Dylan. The near pathological need to organise things out of his control whilst the rest of his life remains scattered at his feet.

"To the T." He says simply.

Dylan nods again, exhaling heavily as he rakes a hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry..." He begins.

Orion shakes his head, standing but not making any move to come closer.

"Don't. Don't apologise, Dylan." He says, his voice pained.

Dylan bites the inside of his cheek.

"Ok. Thank you, for doing...for taking this on." He mumbles.

Orion watches his mate helplessly, his foot twitching beneath the desk as he longs to engulf Dylan in the hug he so desperately needs. He doesn't want to push his luck.

"Anytime." He says simply.

He wants to tell Dylan that right now, he could ask him for anything and he would provide it, but it seems like too much.

Dylan stands frozen to the spot and Orion sighs.

He leads his mate to his room, helping him change into a shirt. The moment is tragically intimate, Dylan's vulnerability worming its way into Orion's heart. Orion's fingers brush against the soft, supple skin of his mate's chest, treasuring the feel. There is no lust here, only love.

And when the time comes, Orion and Dylan stand side by side as Ellie West's body is set alight. The entire pack gathers, circling around the funeral pyre as they sing goodbye to their former Luna.

Members of the pack approach Dylan. They hold his hand, exchange condolences and embraces and Orion stands at his side for every single one of them, like a guard. His mate's gatekeeper. And nobody seems to mind.

Orion and Dylan stay until the flames are nothing but glowing embers, the body nothing but ash. They stay until only they remain.

Dylan's expression is flat and blank, an image that will haunt Orion for years to come and he finds himself desperate to rid his face of it. All he has ever wanted for Dylan was happiness, but something in his mind snags and he realises that, that isn't strictly true anymore.

He finds that he doesn't want to make Dylan happy, but instead, share in his sadness.

He wants to share in every up as well as down, face every trial as well as celebrate every victory. He wants the fights even more than the joy, the comfort even more than the passion.

He wants to share in every aspect, every second going forwards. He can't escape the pain of the years that he has missed, but he can make the most of every one going forwards.

And he intends to.

So, his heart drives him forwards. His hand reaches out and curls around the fingers of his childhood love. He squeezes them gently, and to his utter delight, they squeeze back.