4 months ago today my mom took her own life. 4 months ago today i found my mom dead. 4 months ago today changed my life.
my moms funeral was last month, it was a small funeral as i don't have any family left.
it was me, billie and her family, my moms friends, her boss & co-workers.
it was peaceful and sad. billie and finneas sung at the funeral. they sung a song they made called 'i love you'.
it was beautiful. i sobbed so hard.
i feel like i'm slowly beginning to heal. the memories when i close my eyes aren't as frequent and i'm beginning to be social again, like i was.
billie and i are really close, like, really fucking close.
i moved in with her two weeks after my first appointment with cps. lylo and pepper get along really well because they're both lazy dogs.
i got myself a job at a cute coffee shop. $16.50 an hour is good enough for me at the moment.
i'm saving up to buy a small apartment when i turn 18, which is in 5 months. we're also graduating next year.
as of right now, everything's going my way in life. i've began going to school and being more social as well as healing.
it took me a while to get myself together, reasonable after what i had experienced.
i miss my mom everyday. every single day. miss is an understatement honestly.
i was trapped for a long time, trapped in the memories and flashbacks. i couldn't go near my house, it was unbearable when i had to go get my stuff to move into billies. i could barely even enter the house.
billie and her family helped me so so much. i owe them my life. they helped me day by day, took their time with me and kept me alive basically.
they're the sweetest family you could ever cross paths with.
"come one we gotta go to school" billie says as she knocks on my bedroom door.
"what time is it?" i groan. "eleven thirty, remember you have to be in for lunch" she reminds me.
i have a certain schedule at school right now. i go in at lunch and slowly it'll become the full day. surprisingly, the school is actually helping me too.
no one in my school has found out what happened thankfully. the only people who know that i've told are billie and hazel. i trust them not to say anything.
i drag myself out of bed and get ready, putting on a simple outfit.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
(minus the jewellery and bag)
i brush my teeth and do my hair. i quickly give my lashes a wash and leave out my room.
"hi pretty girl" billie smiles and hugs me. "you doing okay?" she asks.
"better" i slightly smile. we walk out to her car and once we get in she drives off to school.
we thankfully have all our classes with each other today.
"hi ari" hazel smiles as i sit down with the group for lunch, billie stays over at her table with her friends.
"you okay?" she asks. i nod my head and take a drink. "what's going on with you arianna? has something happened?" cora questions.
"no, i'm just not really doing okay right now" i reply to her.
we continue to eat before the bell rings, indicating that we gotta go to class. i walk in and everyone stares at me. the fuck?
"yo arianna your mom good?" someone yells. what?
i send them a glare before walking to my seat. "what happened to her mom?" someone asks. i put my head down.
"class! enough!" the teacher yells. "her mom killed herself" a jock, blake said. a particular individual starts laughing, kaycee.
for some reason she's always hated me.
"yo kay don't laugh that shit ain't funny" hazel yells.
"it is, her mom must've hated her so much that she killed herself" kaycee says.
"kaycee if you say one more damn thing i swear to god i'll put you six feet under" billie threatens.
"come on, billie i know you have good humour" she laughs. i take a deep breath before standing up and walking over to her.
"uh oh the orphans mad" she says.
i jump over the table and begin attacking her, letting all my anger and sadness out.
i drag her and body slam her to the floor, throwing repeated punches left and right to her face. she starts screaming as i see blood start pouring from her nose and mouth.
i get up for a second, kaycee stands up and throws a punch at me, catching me off guard and sending ems to the floor. she starts punching me, but i nip her sides and flip us over so i'm the one punching her.
i just keep going. at this point i'm crying hard. "you motherfucker!" i yell. "stop!" she screams.
eventually i get pulled off, her face is completely fucked up. broken nose, missing tooth and bust lip.
"i swear to god you wont live to see tomorrow! i'll happily kill yo ass i'm hospital bitch!" i yell as i'm being dragged out the class.
"get the fuck off me" i yell. "calm down miller" billie says.
she continues to drag me to her car. she sits me in her passenger seat.
billie kneels down infront of me, i just completely collapse. "shit okay" billie says as she quickly holds me up.
i just cry and cry, from anger, sadness and exhaustion.
"billie i cant do this anymore" i cry into her shoulder. "yes you can arianna. i'm right here baby" she says and rubs my back.
my stomach erupts in butterflies at the nickname.
"come on my love, let's go home" she says. billie hops in the car and drives off.
she's my person. i know it.
(a/n): helloo
sorry if there's any mistakes i literally just done my nails lol.
