Poetry From The Heart & Mind

Am I Failing You?

TW mentions of self harm, if you are easily triggered by mentions of self harm and/or scars you might want to skip this one

No one prepares you for the day you have to look the only person you love in the face
And tell them the truth
Trust that they love you so much they won't leave
Trust they won't be mad or call you crazy

No one prepares you for staring into their eyes as you tell them you almost did it again
That funny feeling in your chest when you know you've failed them
Every time sitting there wanting to do it again

Flusing your sobriety down the drain
Feeling dirty
Feeling like you betrayed them
Having to restart your clock

Sure no one said life was easy
But why did it need to be this hard
Making me feel like I dont belong
Shoving me into difficult situations

Life gave me one good thing

So why do I always fail him?

I keep spiraling
I keep crying
I keep panicking

He has to stop me so I don't cut myself again
My skin is already more marked than it should be
My arm, covered in white scars
All because I couldn't keep it together

No one prepares you for being that weak infront of someone who keeps you alive
No one tells you what it will be like when you fail them and relapse
No one tells you how the look in their eyes changes
How they change from wanting to help
To helpless

No one prepares you for that

They need a handbook, a warning
Something, anything

So this is my heads up to you
Sure it feels like you're failing them
But they are never going to be mad at you for things you can't stop
You can't stop yourself from hurting
Most of the time its too late
You can't stop yourself from hurting
You're going to need help along the way
And having someone although you feel you're failing them
Is the only way you'll make it out alive

He saved me
Hopefully someone saves you

-A.M. Witzing