She's sweet like summertime. Daisy is full of energy, she loves talking and blabs to everyone. She's the sunshine on a rainy day.
He's salty like salsa. Elijah is bitter and angry. He barely talks to anyone, he never gets along with people, everyon...
I look across the table at my Daisy as she drinks her milkshake with a smile. That smile makes me heart speed up.
I think i'm falling in love with her.
I can't. She can't. I'm unloveable, i have a heart of stone. She's too good for me. Too sweet and kind.
"I have to go." I mumble getting up and leaving.
We can't keep doing this.
My mind flashes to my parents.
~~
"You'll never be fucking loved. Your such a whore." My dad grips me by the collar of my shirt banging me against the wall.
"It was one fucking girl, dad. I'm fucking 16. You leave me here all alone for most my life and come back in the worst possible times." I fight back tears.
"I'm the fucking problem?"
"Just let me go." I growl. He holds my collar tighter, almost choking me.
He gets right up in my face.
"You will never be loved, by anyone. No girl will want you. Your a waist of fucking space."
Those words engrave into my mind, tears stream down my cheeks, i can't hold them in anymore.
"Pussy." He spits before him and my mum walk out the door.
She just watches, not interfering.
~~
I'm unlovable, we all know it.
I sit in the living room on the oddment regretting walking out. I don't want to do this to her. I don't want to hurt her.
Is it better i hurt her now or months down the track when she's in love with me?
The front door bursts in and Daisy comes in.
"What was that about?" I just look at her, no response.
She comes towards me sitting opposite me on the other couch.
"Daisy." I whisper containing my tears. Her eyebrows furrow her face softening. For the first time in a long time, her dimples completely disappear, her lips lowered, sad.
"W-we need to break up." My legs shake uncontrollably as i look down at them.
"W-what? Why?" Her voice shakes.
"I'm falling in love with you when i shouldn't be. I can't be loved, i don't know how to love someone. I'm sorry darling. I am." I look at her as tears roll down her cheeks. My heart snaps as tears well up in my eyes.
"That's stupid."
I stay silent.
"Your so, so loveable."
"I'm not."
"You are. I love you."
"No you don't."
"Yes i do."
I shake my head as my fingers dig into my thighs.
"Don't shut me out Elijah. Don't do it."
I don't respond unable to speak without crying. I watch as she stands up her breath unsteady.
"Goodnight." She whispers before walking out the door. I walk to the window and watch as her car drives off. I let out a sob as i drop to the ground my head in my hands.
"I love you too, Sunshine." I whisper through sobs.
I calm down and walk upstairs to my safe and unlock it where a pack of cigarettes sit.
I haven't had one in two years.
I grab it out locking the safe and pulling a cigarette out the pack. I grab my lighter as the end of it turns orange.
I breath in the smoke as it travels inside of me. I blow out the puff of air as smoke fills the room.
I know i shouldn't be doing this. But i need to stop the pain.
I grab a bottle of red wine from my liquor cupboard. I drink it out the bottle. Not bothering for a glass.
I smoke and drink till i can't feel anything. I don't want to feel this.
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'No one loves harder than someone who's never been loved' - i have no idea
