Joan Ascends

Chapter 28: Have it your way

After a mad dash back to my cell, the boredom of my empty room is a relief. I peer through the food slot, but I can't see anything other than the empty white walls of the hallway. Even though I barely know her, I'm terrified that Lozen will end up hurt—or worse—because of her actions today.

My mind races through the puzzle pieces that have dropped in my lap. Lozen mentioned that nine of us need to escape. I only know of Lozen, Addie, Mikao, Ciara and myself who are trapped down here. That leaves four others who must be locked away in Strand's secret prison.

I'm used to being the one with the wild ideas, making dangerous choices to do what I think is right. Following Lozen's lead, trusting her intentions and instincts, goes against my natural wiring. It's maddening to have Addie's fate, as well as my own, in someone else's hands.

Now would be a fantastic time to have a vision of my own, but my exhaustion presses against the door in my mind where my visions live, and all I can see are brief glimpses into a potential future.

Men and women in suits sitting at a large, circular table, yelling at each other.

The surprised face of a Dean right before Ciara punches him in the jaw.

Lozen's shiv, slippery with blood, in my hand.

Tears sliding down Harriet's cheeks.

I strain my mind, trying to see more, but nothing comes. My ability is a shadow next to Lozen's, a weak imitation that frustrates me more than it helps. I try to make sense of what I've seen, turning the possibilities over and over in my mind, until exhaustion claims me.

***

I'm woken when a Dean enters my cell—not the one Lozen attacked, because this guard doesn't have any wounds.

"Get up and follow me," he says, and then turns without looking to see if I follow.

We walk down the hallway, and the blood from Lozen's fight with the guard yesterday is gone. The Dean opens a door to an empty tiled room with a drain in the middle.

Before I can ask him what I'm here for, he turns to the wall and pulls out a hose with a metal nozzle.

"What the hell—"

The rest of my words are drowned out as I'm drenched with a cold blast of water. I slip and fall, curling into a ball to shield myself from the force of the spray.

"Stand up," the Dean commands. "We'll be here until you comply."

I force myself to stand, shuddering with cold.

"Turn."

I follow his order, wanting to shrink into myself as every part of me is drenched. The water finally stops, and the Dean hands me a towel and a dry jumpsuit.

"Change."

I want to insist on my right for privacy, but I know that down here I have no rights. Instead, I turn my back on the guard and peel off my wet clothes. I dry and dress as quickly as I can.

"McChild, get in here. She's ready," the Dean says.

Bella enters the room with a folding chair and hair clippers. I sit, guessing what's coming next.

"I'm sorry," she whispers in my ear.

I close my eyes, and she begins shaving my long hair off of my head. Some dim part of my mind grieves its loss—my hair was the only thing about me that I thought was beautiful—but most of me is too numb to feel anything beyond dread of what's coming next.