Joan Ascends

Chapter 11: As low as I'm willing to go

"Less glowering, Joan! Think Pollyanna, not Rambo!"

I don't know either of the characters Wilde is referencing, but I grit my teeth and try to smile. It's day one of filming for our reality series, and already I'm regretting my decision to dip a toe back into acting.

The pilot episode is all about how the five main characters—me, Justus, Alison, Tupac and James—meet and become friends. The early scenes that I had with Alison, Tupac and James went okay, because I only had a handful of lines.

But now that we're filming the scene when Justus and I meet, everything feels forced. I tried to point out that the world already knows that we have a relationship, since we've been caught by the tabloids in the past, but Wilde dismissed my concerns and told me that we are only using our real lives for inspiration, and instead are 'making our own reality'.

"Haven't I seen you around before?" Justus delivers his line with a boyish appeal I didn't know he was capable of.

I give him a smile that's supposed to be sweet, but I think I show too much of my teeth. "We went to high school together. You might not remember me, but I definitely noticed you."

"Stop, I beg of you! Cut!" Wilde shouts with a resigned shake of his head.

I look over at Justus, who has an obnoxious smirk on his face.

"What?"

"I remember your character in that Strand promotional vid—so sweet you gave me a toothache. Can't you wrangle that girl out of your psyche and bring her into your performance?"

I stick out my tongue at Justus, but he's right. I need to tap into my Sweet 'Lil Joanie character. The problem is, I hate her and never wanted to have to use her again. But the show must go on.

I raise my voice so that Wilde can hear me. "Give it one more take. I think I've got it now."

Wilde dramatically looks to the heavens and heaves a put-upon sigh. "Very well! Coffee shop meet cute scene, take twelve!"

"Haven't I seen you around before?" Justus asks, barely able to hide the twinkle in his eye.

My Sweet 'Lil Joanie persona settles over me, unwelcome but familiar. "We went to high school together. You might not remember me, but I definitely noticed you."

Something flickers in Justus's eyes, and instead of delivering his follow-up line, he takes a step closer to me.

"I know who you are. The loudmouth from my political science class senior year." Justus is not using the script Wilde gave us, he's riffing. My eyes widen as memories from our time together in high school come rushing back. "Even when you were being a know-it-all lecturing the class on right and wrong, I thought you were brilliant. I couldn't look away."

"And you were the guy who was always sporting bruises from fighting the bullies and protecting the younger kids," I say, and my smile this time is real. Maybe I don't need Sweet 'Lil Joanie after all. "You look good, Justus."

"I'm glad I found you again, Joan," Justus says, and then he pulls me in for a hug.

"Me too," I murmur quietly into his ear.

"CUT! Yes! That's the one!" Wilde shouts with glee. "The improvisation was just what we needed to bring this thing to life."

"Thanks," I say to Justus.

"Don't thank me. As soon as I saw you wearing that fake smile, I knew it couldn't be right. Even if this show is more fiction than real life, I want people to know you as you really are. Because if they do, Joan, they'll love you like I do."