Joan Ascends

Chapter 29: Serving our evil overlords

Instead of more torture, Dr. Rodriguez sends me back to my cell. I'm pathetically grateful for the reprieve, and thankful that no one can see me when I'm this damaged.

My body is as weak as a kitten's after the shock therapy, and for a long time all I can do is curl in a ball and think about the potential future I just saw, where Strand executives build the company's success on the backs of the Throwbacks they imprison and torture. All while innocent children die at the sadistic hands of Dr. Rodriguez.

A selfish part of me wishes that Addie could find me here, like she did when I was in the pod, so she could comfort me. I feel as broken as I did after Nic died, as if all the progress I've made since then has been erased.

When the door to my cell opens, I can't muster the energy to sit up. Lexi enters and approaches my bed, staring down at me with an odd expression on her face. I roll over so that I don't have to look at her.

"I'm not here to fight with you. Yes, you shouldn't have said what you said on set the other day with Tressa. But you've more than made up for the trouble you caused by the information that you gave Dr. Rodriguez today."

Is she trying to...praise me? The thought makes me sick.

"I've told you before; I'm not the enemy, Joan. The truth that I think you're starting to accept is that it's far better to work inside the system than outside it. The more you cooperate and make Strand successful, the better your life will be. If you're looking for proof, look no further than me. I was hired twenty years ago to play the part of the Throwback face of Strand, and now I'm at the helm of the company, steering this great ship."

I think of the executives in the vision that I had, Strand's Board of Directors, and I know that Lexi is wrong. For so long, she's been the villain of my story. If I took her down, the rest of Strand would crumble with her. But I'm starting to suspect that she's more of a figurehead than an evil mastermind. She may not realize it, but she's a puppet dangling from Strand's strings, like the rest of us.

"What are you here for?" I finally ask, ready for her to leave. Even my curiosity, which has always kept some small part of me from giving up in my worst moments, is gone. I don't feel like a person any more.

"I'm here to give you advice, because I think you're finally ready to hear it. Turn your determined mind to the task of looking into Strand's future and help us ensure that we continue to grow and succeed. I believe that if your cooperation is freely given, rather than forced, the results will be far better for Strand. And I promise, the more you help us, the better your life—and the lives of your friends and family—will be."

In spite of myself, there's a part of me that is tempted to listen to Lexi. Escaping with Lozen and taking down Strand is an enormous risk. We'll probably fail, and die in the process.

If I stay here, I could use my visions to guide Strand down a path that keeps them successful while also making Throwback lives better in very real ways. It would be slow progress, but far more certain than waging a war against the most powerful company in the world.

"I'll think about it."

***

Another day passes, judging by the three meals that are delivered to my cell after Lexi leaves. During that day, I barely leave my bed.

Some distant part of my brain knows that I should be planning how I can help Lozen execute the escape plan. Our abilities are remarkably similar, and maybe if I practiced, I'd be able to see future possibilities as well as she can, and aid in our escape.

Instead, my mind circles around old memories of my childhood, from before I knew my Status—Addie making chicken soup when I had headaches, my parents taking me to the beach when they were sober, making a vision board with my best friend, Ava. Back then, I relished a challenge and never dreamed that I wouldn't conquer every obstacle.