Wishing you mine

CHAPTER TWO

march 2010

/One month ago/
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wound

"wala syang karapatang pang mabuhay, she doesn't deserve to  lived, lary, kasalanan nya kung bakit namatay si lanna kaya wala syang karapatan!!"

"devina, anak mo pa din sya!!"

"wala akong anak na kayang ipahamak ang kapatid nya makuha lang ang gusto! wala akong anak na tulad nya!!"

"m-mommy—"

"you!! kasalanan mo'ng lahat ng 'to, kasalanan mo kung bakit nasira ang pamilyang to!!, sana namatay kana lang, sana ikaw nalang ang nawala at hindi ang ate mo!! bwesit ka.." ramdam ko ang sakit at hapdi ng ginagawang pananakit saakin ni mommy, sampal, sabunot, kurot at kung ano-ano pa, I can't do anything. wala naman akong laban sa kanya, hindi pa sana matatapos ang pananakit nya kung hindi lang sya pinigilan ni daddy.

"devina, tama na yan. ano ba!! tama na!"

daddy hugged me while crying

"anak, im sorry. kasalanan to ni daddy, im sorry" i shook my head.

"no po, k-kasalanan ko naman po talaga k-kung bakit nawala si ate, sana h-hindi ko nalang po sya niyaya nung araw na 'yon, daddy. i hate my self po" i cried, almost one month since ate lanna died at the incident, wala na akong ginawa kundi ang umiyak at sisihin ang sarili ko... kasalanan ko naman talaga e, hindi ko nalang sana sya pinilit nung araw nayon.

"no, baby. its not your fault ok? no one wanted ate lanna to die hmm? nadala lang ang mommy mo sa emotions nya kaya nya nasabi yun okay? stop na its ok...."

_________

"luna, are you sure you won't come?" dad told me that several times.

"its ok, daddy. im fine, im  sure mom and naya would take care of me naman po"

"I don't trust your mom, so please take care of yourself, call me if something happen hmm?"

i nodded, daddy was leaving for two weeks para daw asikasuhin ang company nya sa US, isinasama nya ako but i keep insisting that I don't want to come kasi ma ho-home sick lang ako, but to be honest, mom heard what i and dad's talking about last night and she said to me that "DON'T YOU EVER GO WITH YOUR DAD" thats why I can't go with him. dad took a deep breath and stood up.

"ok, just do what i said and call me when you need me okay?" he kissed my forehead before entering the car.

"bye, daddy take care!!" i shout as if he heard me.

pag pasok ko sa loob ay sumalubong saakin si mommy na sa palagay ko ay aalis din, i was going to ask her when naya spoke up, actually naya is my yaya since ate died. naya short for nanay yaya, at first she didn't allow me to call her that name because its sounds ugly daw, but for me it sounds cute kaya, dahil nalang din siguro sa kakulitan ko ay pumayag na sya sa gusto ko

"ma'am, magluluto pa po ba ako para sa hapunan nyo mamaya, ma'am?"

"no need Yaya, we we're celebrating nica's birthday for the whole week kaya sigurado akong bukas pa ako makakauwi"

"pero mommy—"

"i have to go, please take care of the house yaya"

"sige ho ma'am, ingat po" pag katapos nun ay walang lingon likod na umalis si mommy, ni-hindi manlang pinakinggang ang sasabihin ko. i just want to remind her that tomorrow is my birthday too, I want to celebrate with them..... siguro baka bukas babatiin ako ni mommy.

"naya, it was our birthday. i hope mom would greet me tomorrow when she come back"

she sigh "halika na nga gamutin na natin iyang sugat mo at nang makapagluto na ako ng makakain mo" i nod, we walked towards my room— i mean our room, naya and i are in the same room, ayaw kasing ipagamit ni mommy yung kwarto namin ni nica, I don't know why pero sinunod ko nalang.

"hay nako ang lala pa din ng mga sugat mo. bakit naman kasi hinayaan ka ng mga magulang mo na lumabas ng hospital kahit na hindi pa naman magaling itong mga sugat mo, tapos dinadagdagan pa nung mommy mo. tingnan mo tuloy mag da-dalawang buwan na at hindi padin naghihilom"

"its okay lang po naya, i understand naman po e. sayang po kasi yung pera kung mag tatagal pa po ako doon, much better if ilalaan nalang po nila iyon para kay nica..."

"hays, hayaan mo at gagaling din iyong kapatid mo, baka bukas maka uwi na nga yun e."

i laugh sacrastically "its impossible naya, but i hope so"

maybe i could give my whole attention to her when she came back...

______________________

—Shanna🤍