But I Love You

But I Love You - Part Four: The Aftermath

After a restless night of tossing and turning, Jane woke up to the sound of her phone trilling noisily. She recognized the all-too-familiar ring tone immediately and the matching face that lit up her screen: Maura.

"I can't do this right now" Jane muttered to herself as she let the call go to voicemail. Please, Maur. I ju ... I just can't right now, she silently pleaded.

Thankfully, today was her day off and, after last night, she had planned to stay in, go through the five stages of junk food, and figure out how the hell she'd face Maura when she returned to BPD. Switching her phone to silent mode, she hastily threw it back on the bedside table and went back to sleep.

Clear across town, as her well-heeled neighbors slumbered peacefully in their brownstones and well-manicured lawns, a certain honey blonde ME was having a rough start to her day. Maura had called Jane several times, but after the umpteenth time of getting her voicemail, decided to text her instead.

Hey, it's me. Are you okay? Of course you're not. How foolish of me to even ask. I'm so, so sorry for last night. I don't know what came over me. Please, can we talk? - M.

Hearing the telltale buzz of an incoming text, and knowing that sleep would prove elusive at this point, Jane reached for her phone, read Maura's text, and typed out a response.

Hey, I'm fine. You? Look, I'm sorry I ran out on you last night. I just need to sort out some stuff, you know, figure things out. We'll talk soon, promise. 🙂 J

Maura's reply came just seconds later.

I understand, Jane. I'm here anytime you're ready, day or night. And, if it's easier for you, we can just pretend like the kiss never happened. - M.

Maura had debated on whether she should've included that last sentence. That was the last thing she wanted. But even more than that, she didn't want to lose her best friend over one silly, ill-timed kiss. So she resolved, right then and there, to bury her feelings for the raven haired detective, ruefully aware that she'd gotten really good at lying. No more pesky hives to give her away.

Jane's eyes reread that same sentence until it was burned into her brain.

Pretend like it didn't happen? How do you pretend something didn't happen ... when it did?? Unless of course it meant nothing to the other party, in which case ...

Okay. J

Jane's heart sank as she typed her response. She hadn't realized just how badly she'd wanted it to be true, to mean something more than a drunken stunt, until, well, it wasn't. Her heart constricted as tears of regret stained her well-defined cheekbones, and she tried to ignore the pang of longing that had settled in the pit of her stomach. She'd read somewhere that sometimes expressing one's true desires onto paper helped in unburdening the soul so she grabbed a few blank pages, a pen, and her mug of java and sat at her kitchen table. After a few minutes she started writing.

Dear Maura,

She couldn't believe how easy it was. The words just came pouring forth, as if they'd been teetering at some precipice and just needed the right catalyst to push them into existence. As she unleashed herself on paper she could feel herself, her heart, start to heal. Roughly an hour later, satisfied, she reread her letter to Maura one last time then carefully folded it and stored it away in her bedside table drawer, never to see the light of day again.

It hadn't even been five minutes after she'd tucked away her Dear Maura letter when she heard the unmistakable chime of BPD Dispatch on her phone. "Aren't I Miss Popular today", muttered Jane, knowing that her day off was about to come to an abrupt end. Another horrific crime scene, another unfortunate victim, another gruesome death. Normally she wouldn't have minded since she loved being a detective, but today brought a brand new complication, in the form of a certain honey blonde ME, and her conflicting feelings for her.

"Rizzoli", she answered, not intending to sound as gruff as she did. "All right, I'll be there. Thanks". She stowed her phone away as she grudgingly got ready. She got another call right after Dispatch's. It was Korsak apologizing profusely for ruining her day off. Something about being shorthanded and they needed all available bodies in the immediate vicinity.

"Korsak, it's fine, really. Wasn't planning on doing much today anyway", except maybe obsess about Maura kissing me for the hundredth time ... she finished silently in her head. Just thinking about seeing Maura again less than twenty four hours after .... well you know ... had her stomach in knots.

"See ya in twenty, Vince."

Ten minutes later, armed with her badge and Glock, Jane was on her way to the address Dispatch had texted her, already dreading the inevitable.

All right, let the games begin.

At her home, Maura got an identical call from BPD Dispatch, alerting her of the homicide. "Doctor Isles", she responded brightly, hoping her voice didn't convey her turbulent emotions. "Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can. Thank you". She hung up and took a deep breath. Relief washed over her as she remembered that Jane had the day off today, and she could temporarily postpone the inevitable awkwardness seeing her again would bring, so soon after last night's events.

A half hour later, an impeccably-dressed Maura Isles was headed to the crime scene, medical bag in hand, blissfully unaware that she'd be crossing paths with a certain brunette detective, who, in turn, was altogether dreading their reunion.