I don't even know why the fuck I am considering Eunjoo's words so much.
Jake has some good friends.
I don't even want a partner for a long time soon.
Right?
Of course I don't.
I don't like anyone too, there's no need for me to date. I should enjoy my single life instead of having a crisis while dating.
Right?
Right.
Right...
Shut the fuck up you stupid brain.
(a/n: barin* ;))
I should be sleeping right now instead of not letting my mind leave the thought of dating. It would be a lie if I say that I really wanted to be in a healthy and cute relationship, leaving my past behind, but I never really found anyone who caught my eye and I went like "Yeah. This is the one that I want." I never felt like that in a year.
I want to feel that, though.
I do want to be in the best relationship of my life, but I think that too is a big thing to ask for.
I just cannot stop thinking about how my past relationships ended up as. Abusive, toxic, overly possessive, and what not? I want to be free from all that and be in a relationship which is caring, loving, cute, where we cook for each other, where we cuddle each other, where we do each other's hair, where we have pet names for each other, where we go shopping for each other, where we---
I do have a really long list of what I want to experience, and I will experience those soon.
Hopefully.
I should really go to sleep now. I have work tomorrow and I cannot afford sleeping in when I should be awake early. But the real question is, how do I go to sleep? I deserve to know how do I immediately go to sleep whenever I want to.
"Jake has some good friends-"
No.
Shut up.
Let me sleep.
I do not require a human being with needs who promises to love me forever but still leaves me when I need them the most. That is what happened to me in the past as well.
I wish my mother was here to sing me a lullaby because I need it so much right now.
•••
This fucking feeling of nausea. I hate this so fucking much. I asked for one night of sleep with no interruptions. Only one night.
It is literally three a.m. right now and here I am sitting by my toilet, throwing up. I did not even eat anything crazy last night; or in a long time in general that I am throwing up so intensly right now.
"Iseul? You okay?" I hear a familiar, feminine voice call out from behind me. I leaned back on the wall beside me to take some oxygen in because I am currently running short on it. I shake my head as a no to her answer, i had no energy to open my eyes or reply verbally.
"Oh god." She mumbled under her breath and walks towards the nightstand placed beside my bed, grabbing the water bottle from it.
She then again comes up to me and hands me the bottle. I lazily take it, and take forever in opening the cap, but succeed.
Gulp.
"What happened?" She asks me again. Even I didn't know what suddenly happened to me that I could not stop throwing up.
"I don't know." I silently reply as she kneels down beside me, rubbing my shoulder lightly. I ruined her sleep too.
•••
"Are you okay now? You should call in for work today." Eunjoo suggests me while sipping onto her morning coffee. I shake my head as a no. "No I can't. I am fine now, though." I reply.
"What if something happens at the workplace?"
"Nothing will happen. Don't worry."
"Are you sure?"
"Super sure."
I knew she was still unsure of me going to work today considering how my condition was last night, but I cannot just call in. I am already running low on money.
"If you say so." She silently mumbles to herself which makes me chuckle. It feels so good when someone actually cares for you, it makes your heart flutter, automatically makes you happy, it makes you feel really good.
«Time Skip»
"Good morning."
"Good morning."
"Good morning."
Blah, blah, blah. I am sick of being formal with people. I want to go upto them and be like--- "Yo, man! Sup?" but that really is not possible considering how they all are my seniors and older. I cannot risk my reputation just for the sake of fun.
I open the door of my office cabin and close it before walking up to the chair placed by the table.
Working is non sense. People should be paid by the goverment.
I bring out my phone out of my pocket, quickly reach to the calls app and search for the specific number.
Please pick up.
"Hello?" The other side of the call answers.
"Jake? Are your friends up for a blind date with me?"
[AUTHOR'S NOTE]
updatedupdatedupdated
so like i lost a friend but made a hundred times better one online. like idk whose fault it was that i ended my friendship with that person but all i know is they were making me insecure and i wanted mental peace.
alright thats it bye
i love you
YOU ARE READING
You In My Bloody Memories. » Hwang Hyunjin
Fanfiction(Trigger warnings at the end) Hwang Hyunjin, a new surgeon who wants nothing more than to see his patients die right in front of him. Specifically, die because he had ripped their bodies open, making the blood flow out. He wants nothing more, nothin...
