Descendants Oneshots

Without you

I don't know if this oneshot makes actual sense, but it was my way to express my feelings these days.
Enjoy <3

TW: suicide ; mental illness

She was dead.

She was there, standing, watching her own funeral.

Ben was throwing some flowers before her body was gone forever. He was crying, probably wondering why she did this. The answer was, she didn't even know why she had done it. She just wanted to stop feeling.

Evie, Carlos, Jay, her father, Belle, Adam, they were all there, crying. She couldn't stop wondering what would have happened now. Was she supposed to stay there forever? She had seen enough episodes of Ghost Whisperer to know she needed to cross over. That if she was still there, there was a reason. Of course, she didn't know what it was.

***

She was dead.

She was dead and it was real.

She was dead, it was real and it was his fault.

His fault for not noticing, not noticing that she was going through something. Of course, he knew Mal had her problems, her own fights, but she always seemed happy. And he was often capable of noticing when she was feeling down. Noticing. He always noticed everything about other people, so why not this time? Why?

If someone had to go, Ben had always thought that it would be him. Suffering from anxiety and depression, he had his days, days where he thought that the world was crushing him, that he would have not made it out, but he did. He always did. And maybe Mal could do it, too. But now it was too late. And maybe, maybe, now he couldn't make it out. How could he?

The following days were hard. He didn't have the strength to get out of bed. He just wanted Mal at his side, he wanted to wake up next to her, hug her, kiss her, maybe make love to her. The realization when he woke up was the worst. When he slept, it was like she was still there. And he wished to hang on to her forever, but as soon as he woke up, after two seconds, she was gone.

"Ben? Ben, honey" the Beauty was slowly entering the room. "What do you say you get out of bed and get your mind off... what happened" But Ben didn't move. He couldn't.

He felt like his head was a million pounds heavier, he felt like he couldn't breathe. Like a part of him was dead, too.

And months passed, but that feeling, that feeling of not knowing what you're living for, didn't. Before what happened, he had some days, some periods of time when he felt like this, like he was living for nothing. Like he was living, but he was just surviving. But now it was different: the feeling was much stronger, and he felt like it would never go away.

He wanted Mal. He needed her.

"Ben, you don't understand. I cannot bring people back to life." Hades said to him, trying to keep the tears back.

"You did it with Audrey! Why not her, why not your daughter?"

"Audrey was between life and death, Ben. Mal is long gone. Oh god, it pains me so much to say this. She is gone, Ben. And you have to keep going. You have a duty to this kingdom; you have to keep doing what you're doing. It will get better, I promise."

"Why do you seem almost happy she's gone? She's you daughter, for God's sake. It's like everyone has moved on, like it was so easy for all of you! And I'm saying Evie, Jay, Carlos, her best friends! No one seems to care!"

"Everyone is dealing with it differently, Ben. Now, go be King. That's your duty, that's your way out of this."

But he couldn't. Everyone left. Evie, off to London. Carlos, in some college far from Auradon. Jay, still traveling the world after years of studying. He was alone. Alone, dealing with a kingdom and a loss.

***

Mal stood there every morning; when Ben woke up, she was there. He just couldn't see her.

She was starting to understand that she had done the wrong thing. Maybe that's way she was still there. To understand. Understand that it wasn't like she thought. Everyone did care. They cared, and she hurt them. But she was also hurting so much more, more that anyone could ever imagine.

"Ben" she said. "Ben, I'm here. Please don't cry. Please, I'm here. I swear, I'm here. I am so sorry. I love you so much." She said that to him every day, hoping he could hear her.

She had suffered so much, and now this agony was making her feel much worse. She just wanted to talk to him one more time.

She had visited her friends: Evie, in London, she was doing good, but she knew she was hurting. She saw her one day, going through her sketches of her Coronation's dress, and she saw how she couldn't stand to watch them. She burned them. And Mal burnt them with her, if that was going to make her feel better. If that was going to help her move on.

Jay cut his hair. Mal always told him they were longer than hers, much better than hers. He probably thought that cutting it made him feel better.

Carlos surrounded himself with dogs. He had to take care of someone, like Mal always did with him, to feel better.

Her father just stood watching nothing. He often talked to her, too. Just, he didn't know she was there. That made him feel better.

But the truth is, no one felt better. A part of them was gone, too, and they would always have a void inside them.

It was dark outside, and Mal was watching Ben drowning himself in work. To not think about her.

"Ben, you should really go to sleep. It's not healthy. Please. I hate watching you like this." But he couldn't hear her. Or could he? He turned around, like he heard her. He stood up, and watched her.

"Mal?" his eyes were teary.
"You- you can see me?" she was getting emotional, too.

"Why? Just tell me why."

"I was hurting Ben. I don't know why, I just did. I couldn't bear to continue like that. I didn't think, I understand that now. It was like, like no one cared about me, like the world didn't see me. Like I was destined to remain myself. And I didn't like the me I was. I felt a void inside of me that I just couldn't escape. I didn't want to die. I just didn't even want to live. I wanted to stop feeling, feeling worthless, feeling stupid, feeling like a failure. To stop. And I am so so sorry if that was selfish I-"

"It wasn't selfish. Suicide isn't selfish. It's just... you could have told me. We could have solved this together."

"I know, but I couldn't. I wasn't able to express my feelings. I was never good with that kind of stuff."

They laughed.

They cried.

They laughed and they cried.

They hugged, they kissed, they hugged.

How that was possible, they didn't know, but they didn't care.

"I think I'm going away, Ben" Mal felt her soul slipping away.

"Please, no. Please, stay. I can't without you."

"Yes, you can. I believe in you, you can."

"I love you."

"I love you too." It was the sentence that echoed in the room before Mal disappeared.

Ben, still hugging her, even if she wasn't there anymore, smiled.

She believed in him.

She loved him.