I sit and think for hours before going upstairs, I'm walking towards beau's bedroom, i know hes awake i can hear him, the others are sleeping though. I turn the door handle and push the door as it creaks open, Beau turned his eyes were red from crying and neither of us said anything as i walk upto the bed and sit on the mattress as Beau turns the other way "Beau, I don't like seeing you this way, I've thought about what you said, I don't like seeing you like this, so im willing to let you try what you want."
"R.....really?" Beau looks at me startled, "But you don't want to, so it would be classed as slavery."
I panicked as i can no longer see my big brother in this condition "no! i want to." and with that before Beau could respond i leaned forward and kissed him moving my lips rhythmically with his and the kiss became more heated and we pushed further into each other until Beau pulls away, "Are you sure you want to do this?"
i reply not thinking of Beau as my brother anymore but as a very good friend and maybe more "Of course." he begins to lean oin again but then stops
"How far do you want to go tonight?" he asks in a devilish tone.
"As far as you want." I whisper into his ear and with that Beau leans in once again our lips colliding he pushes into me, grinding for a matter of minutes before i get an uncontrollable urge to reach forward and remove beaus top, then hid trousers and finally his boxers, he dos this to me at the same time and i flip onto my back and Beau adopts the anal position but whispers to me before he enters "This may hurt a bit, let me know if it gets too much." i simply nod and as Beau gets ready i feel my body tense up and suddenly a sharp pain shoots inbetween my legs causing me to wince "Are you ok?" Beau asks concerned
"I'm fine, just took me by surprise thats all." Beau seems to drop the subject and carries on thrusting in and out causing great pleasure for me and probably him.
Suddenly the door creaks open once again and Jai appears "what the fuck!" Jai just stares at me and we both just stare back, the shouting had obviously woken james because he appears over Jai's shoulder "holy shit! Looks like fun can i join?" he asks mockingly obviously not understanding the severity of the situation, Jai just stares at him, and Beau decides to take the distraction to slip out of me and get under the duvet so i did the same James looks at us doing this and then looks at both of us in turn "oh shit.. this wasn't a dare was it?" the whole room stays silent and james just screams and the faints! Jai just stares and then leaves without saying a word, the only one who doesn't know is Daniel but it shouldn't be too hard to keep it from him.
the next day we all gather around the table to eat breakfast and everyone stared at me and Beau, everyone but Daniel of course who had no idea of last nights events. "So did you all have fun last night?" Daniel asks innocently and everyone stares at me and Beau "Well we were rather rudely interrupted quite late last night!" Exclaims Jai who is now joined by Damiel stareing at us "hey Jai don't..." James says defending his friends
"No James!! if they didn't want the embarrisment maybe they should have thought about that before fucking each other!" Jai has turned red in the face and Daniels mouth had dropped open when suddenly we are all startled by Luke standing suddenly and dragging Jai out of the room into the garden
"WTF!!?? whats wrong with you?"
"What the fuck is wrong with me??" Jai asks with a hint of sarcasm "You fucked Beau not me."
"I couldn't stand to see him alone and in that state anymore Jai, and we all know he wanted me and I thought if I cant make my own brothers life better whats the point in living?"
"So you didn't want to screw around with Beau?" Jai questions slightly confused
"No, but I can handle it I have a way of coping"
"So you self harm to make Beau happy?"
"well when you say it like that' it sounds horrible but yes." Jai is now nodding
"Ok." But you can always talk to me if you need help you know that right bro??"
"yeah, thanks bro." we both walk back into the kitchen smiling which signals to the others that we're fine now and we all finish breakfast without another word said.
I couldn't walk around the house without the others looking at me and I have come to the conclusion they are silently judging me and I find that self harm calms my nerves as I see the blood exit my system it feels as if all my troubles have left with it, I keep a knife up in my bedroom and have fitted a lock so people know to leave me alone with my thoughts but I know I am never completely alone because I can talk to Jai but how much would he understand?
