Not Ready

Chapter Five

"Should we get dessert?" James asks, and I'm grateful for the topic change. "I heard they have a good lava cake and vanilla ice cream."

"Yes, that sounds good."

James signals over to Joseph, who eventually sees him and comes back to our table.

"Hi, ready for dessert?" Joseph asks, oblivious to Shaun like everyone else in the restaurant.

"It's you trying to be perfect for Mr. Perfect. When you're not." Shaun looms over James again. "He probably won't even like the real you." He waits for a response, but when I give him none, he continues. "The imperfect side that I accepted."

I'm not entertaining you. I squeeze my hands tighter.

"When are you gonna tell this loof about my impact on you, the things we did." He smiles. "The stuff you allowed me to do." He whispers in my ear as uninvited memories flash in my mind.

I swallow hard and bite my tongue from shouting like I did at home.

"You're tainted like me." Shaun continues to talk in my ear. "We were made for each other. Two peas in a pod. You don't deserve someone like him."

"I have to go to the bathroom!" I announce it suddenly, louder than intended. Both James and Joseph look at me in confusion as Shaun stands behind them, a satisfied look on his face. After a brief set of directions from Joseph, I thank him and rush to the bathroom.

Shaun is already waiting for me once I step inside the clean, marble-floored bathroom with large mirrors and three stalls.

"That was hard to watch. Why did you act like that? Was it something I said?"

I walk over to the mirror and stare directly at Shaun through the reflection. "Listen to me." I lower my voice. "You are not real. Get out of my head. Leave me alone. I have no love for you."

"Then why else would you let me ruin your date?"

Once again, his question hits home, and I'm unable to answer. Why are you here? Is this some sort of defense?"

Shaun walks closer to me and wraps his arms around my waist. His chin resting on my shoulder. "You're stuck with me. Wherever you go. Why fight it? I'm sure you blew your chances with that guy anyway. Maybe I'm up right now thinking about you. Call me."

I shove away from Shaun. "I don't want you. I HATE you." The tears start forming in my eyes because I feel like I ruined my chances with a guy worth my time, but Shaun's right; I don't deserve him or any healed man. I'm broken. I'm tainted. I'm spoiled goods. It's a burden on my shoulders that I'll have to carry.

I close my eyes and welcome the water spilling down my cheeks. "Enough." I sniff.

"Please." When I open my eyes, Shaun is gone. I stay in the bathroom for the next couple of minutes to allow my cry to flush out and clean myself up before heading back to the table with James, who is waiting for me with his coat on, two carryout boxes in his hands, and my jacket draped over his arm.

The sight breaks my heart. Way to go Amari. You tanked it.

James studies my face. "I took care of the bill and packed up your food and dessert. I think we should go."

All I can do is nod in agreement. "Thank you," I mutter.

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A.N. Hey everyone! Hope you had a good week. I am currently in finals season. Nevertheless, hope you enjoyed the chapter. The next chapter will definitely be the last one.