Not Ready

Chapter Six

During the car ride to my apartment, James and I don't speak. I use the time to relay everything I've done wrong since this night started on repeat. I can't believe I allowed myself to drag him into my mess. I hate myself and Shaun. He's the one who ruined me, and it's not fair that he's blocking me from enjoying life without him.

When we reached my apartment, I was ready to jump out of the car and rush upstairs, but James turned the engine off.

"I don't want to leave things like this." James' voice sounds dejected. "Look, I'm sorry for triggering you about your parents. I didn't realize how much weight that question would have, and I'm sorry."

What? He thinks it was all caused by him. I look over to James, whose hands are still gripping the steering wheel, eyes staring ahead. I'm speechless.

"I hope that you forgive me, and even if this date went sour because of it that we can remain friends because even if I am interested in you, I still don't mind being friends and getting to know you more." He looks at me, and his face is filled with concern. "Are you crying?"

I use my hand to wipe the tears, but they keep falling. James lets go of the steering wheel and reaches over to his glove compartment filled with napkins, and hands me a couple.

"I-I'm sorry," I say as I use the napkins. "I'm just overwhelmed."

James studies me. "Why?"

He deserves to know the truth. Since the start of our date, James has been nothing but kind to me. He was patient and understanding to the point where he felt guilty for how the night ended. Everything was my fault, and even if this date didn't go well, he should know why.

I sniff again. "This night was my fault." A new batch of tears fell, and at this point, I could care less about being seen in a feeble way. James doesn't say anything, as if he's waiting for me to collect my thoughts or finish what I had to say or both, who knows.

The words poured out of me. "The reason why I've been off is that I've been hesitant to date because I went through...." I take a deep breath. "I had a really bad breakup, James. It took a lot out of me. I'm still trying to get him out of my head. It's like I'm being haunted. I can't do anything without thinking about what I would do if he saw me." I feel embarrassed saying it out loud.

"Do you still have feelings for him?" I wonder how long it will be before James bids me good night and leaves. Who wants to hear about their date thinking of someone else?

"No," I reply, staring out the window.

"Still love-"

"No." I interrupt quickly, and I mean it. Shaun deserves none of my care. He's a prick. "No. I don't." James is looking at me intently as I turn to face him. "He really did a number on me" I look down. "And I'm the fool who is still getting over it months later like an idiot."

"You're not a fool." He grabs my hand, and I don't pull away. "Don't call yourself that."

"But I am-"

"You're not." He states firmly. His hand feels warm over my own. A comforting feeling that eases me.

He continues talking when I don't answer. "As relieved as I am that I didn't ruin your mood, I'd hate for you to talk about yourself. This is a lot for you. I'd be a hypocrite if I told you that I haven't been in your position because I have. And it sucks." I soak in every word he is saying in awe.

"Look at me Amari." I do.

His gaze is intense. "It's okay to be broken. And obviously, this date was a bad idea at this point in your life. I'm also aware that healing comes from within, and that's a journey that you'll have to make on your own. Take your time. But can I be there with you as a friend while you heal to one day ask you out again?"

He still wants to try. I shake my head, yes, and I start to cry again. It is the nicest thing that any man has ever said to me. James takes a new napkin to wipe my tears.

"You'd really do that?" I ask in disbelief. "But why?"

"I know a good thing when I see one."

"I'm far from good. I ruined this date because of it."

"No." His smile is not pitiful. He lifts my hand and kisses it. "You're just not ready, and that's okay."

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A.N. And that is all! I had fun publishing this short story on Wattpad. Please feel free to comment what you think or share. Constructive feedback is appreciated. Let me know if you would want another short story as well.