Niki's pov
I was heading home with a heavy heart. It breaks my heart to know that Jay and y/n are still together .
It's been years and I thought that I had moved on from her. But seeing her again in the same building that day made me realize that I'm not.
I saw her at the elevator and I was excited like a puppy seeing his hooman. I went to greet her that day without thinking . All I know is I miss her and wanted to be with her .
I always planned ever since that incident happened years ago that if we crossed paths one day , I'll ignore her and act as if I don't know her. I'm angry at her . I should feel that way but I guess holding it inside my heart would just cause me more pain .
When I saw her , all the anger and bitterness in me had gone away . Instead , I felt excited .
I don't know why I felt that way . Do I still love her ? Maybe yes .
I'm happy knowing that we're on the same company . Maybe we could start over and be friends again . And it actually happened .
We talked sometimes around the building . And I can't help but to feel something more than friendship towards her. I mean , she's my first love after all and seeing her always made me fall deeply.
But now , I just don't know.
Did past repeated itself ? Is it Deja Vu ?
Why does it hurts the same?
Why am I the one who's hurt again? Why is it always me?
Am I not allowed to be happy ? Is it really my destiny ? I don't want this! I don't want to be hurt anymore!
I should also blame myself. I expected something more from her. I assumed that they're not together anymore. I didn't asked anything. I just assumed things.
This is what's wrong with me. Even before , i just assume things and didn't questioned her. And with that , I'm the one in pain at the end. I should've learned from that and didn't let this happen.
But should I blame myself for loving her ?
She's my everything .
I even fake calls with my friend , calling them "love" just for her to hear and make her jealous. I act as if I'm not allowed to hang out with other girls at the office just to convince her that I already had a girlfriend. But she doesn't say anything.
Maybe if I just realized that at that point , she never had interest in me anymore. It's just pure friendship . I should've known. I should've felt it .
I was blinded. Maybe that's what love could do to us humans.
This is the second time and I should stop from here.
I don't think I can endure more pain soon. I need to prioritize myself this time.
I will get over you y/n . It is for real this time .
