Who You Love

Poison and Wine

6 months and 10 days, that's how much time has passed since Tate came into my life and changed it forever. Many things have happened in this time span.

For one, Ari got to know about us, basically caught me talking to Tate over call, fortunately Riley came over that day and helped me out. I didn't realise she knew about her brother and me. Anyway, Ari seemed to take it well only because it was none other than Tate, the goody two shoes.

Tate introduced me to his best friend, Josh. We just don't click, he is basically everything I try to run from. A basic bad boy who cheats around, gets in trouble, does drugs.. honestly I don't see how Tate can be his friend, bestest of friends. I saw him in Tate's living room for the first time. The moment he stepped in the house he kept staring at me in a weird mannerism. He also joined me and Tate on some of our car dates. Yeah.. we haven't gone out on a proper date yet, barely a date actually.

I found out Tate had a drinking problem even though he doesn't like to address it. He tried to make me fall into it many times, it's just not my cup of tea.

I don't get much pocket money from home so I've been walking to school and then back home as well trying to save money because Tate's birthday was in a month. I didn't have much budget so I borrowed some from friends and I also  got my scholarship money at that time luckily. So I used it to buy 3 perfumes, yeah 3! Lol I was excited but  clueless, I never gave a gift to a guy and also because he always loved to smell good, I gave him a handful of other sweet stuff. I made handcrafted things as well and gave him love letters all within a love box which I painted. I gave that box to him on the day before his birthday because he had plans on his big day where I couldn't fit in.. he didn't give that much of a reaction to my gift, just a plain thank you babe. idk, I expected more I guess.. I was just sad.. I should've done more maybe.

As Tate and I are drifting apart more and more everyday, his family and I are coming closer stronger than ever. Everyone in his family knows we're dating except for his dad, Tate's dad is kinda mysterious, everyone in his family is afraid of him and all he does is stays at his room 24/7. I don't know the history behind all these but I'm guessing something big is being hidden which I don't wanna know, for now. Anyways, His mom and sisters are sweethearts, we do stayovers at each others places every week. Last weekend we ordered pizzas and did karaoke nights where we danced also, it was so fun!! I've become really attached to them, part of why I don't want Tate to end up doing something that might hurt me more than him.

Tate and I were over our honeymoon phase, we actually started fighting, crying, making up and repeat, for a time that seemed like a healthy growth to me but soon it turned to this toxic pattern. I have started seeing a different side of Tate. For example, he made me throw out our promise ring because he suddenly felt it didn't look good on my hand and then blamed it on me. I was heartbroken that day, I didn't quite get why he did it. But I forgave him. I realised he is a lot different than the guy I actually fell for but I love him either way, what can I do..

I've been struggling with him. No matter how much I risk my situations to meet him, he doesn't appreciate it and when we meet, he doesn't want to talk, he wants to throw himself at me, he forces me for nudes and if I say no then he stops responding to my texts and calls, He doesn't want to take no for an answer. Sometimes I give in sometimes I don't.. these things have made him detach from me quietly. does he really love me? Is this the way relationships works?

Everyday feels like a nightmare, what if he is cheating on me? What if I end up like Ari? I don't want to be away from Riley's family either. What should I do? Exams are near and I can't seem to memorise a word. I've been eating less, sleeping a lot less which is affecting my overall health. I've been breaking out like crazy on my face and body. I hate to go outside.I've become really quiet and insecure. I was never like this, I miss myself, the one I was before I found him. My parents and Ari are worried but no one knows anything, yet.

🥎 WRITER'S NOTE - PLEASE LIKE, SHARE AND COMMENT. LET ME KNOW IF YOU LIKED IT OR NOT! And I've chosen the songs for each chapter very thoughtfully, check them out too! 🥎