The Vacant Truth

Melody

"Gone, another person gone from my life, just like that. It's funny how one second somebody can be standing and laughing right beside you, and in an instant they're gone. How do I mend a broken heart when everything I know has fallen apart? How can I find hope in a brand new day when everyone I love has gone away?" I ask myself.

I go up to the roof of the school after the final bell rings. I can't bring myself to go to Molly's funeral, I can't force myself to go and say goodbye to another person I was close to. Saying goodbye hurts, it means being forced to let go of someone you care about. That's why I go onto the roof. Here, I can escape the pain and struggles of the world. The roof is where I let out all the sadness I feel. Somehow, I always find myself just a little too close to the edge. I whisper my secrets to the wind knowing if I tell anybody else, all I'll get is pity and consolation. That's not what I want.

I don't have the worst life, but I don't exactly don't have the best life either. My mom and older sister left me and my dad when I was 7 years old. What's even worse though, is that they left on my birthday. I always wonder why they didn't take me with them. Why did they leave? Were we really that horrible? When they left, I was forced to grow up too fast and learn how to take care of myself because my dad would always get drunk to forget them. He still does, but he's sober on more days than he was when they first left though. When he's drunk though, it kills me. Those are also some of my worst days... I've learned to conceal my feelings and hide my pain from my friends and everybody else. Sometimes I think of committing suicide or cutting but I always decide not to because I don't want anybody to feel like it's their fault if they find out.

Sometimes, I wish I had a friend I could tell all of this to but nobody can know. I can't keep my feelings bottled up forever though, that's why I come here, to get all those feelings out and how I feel like I could disappear and nobody would notice sometimes. I sat down on the edge and dangled my feet off the edge. Once again, I thought of maybe just jumping off. I wondered if I would be missed if I died. I decided not to jump off, at least for today. Besides, the town didn't need another body on their hands since Molly died... it still hurts to think of her being gone too. We weren't best friends, but she could always put a smile on my face and make me forget about my life for a little while.

I was lost in my thoughts when I heard a voice speak, "Careful, wouldn't want to fall off now would we? Trust me, I've been there before." I whipped my head around to see a guy in the grade above me I had seen in the hallways before. He had a handsome face paired with brown hair and green eyes. "Wait," I thought to myself, "if he's in the grade above me, how can he be in the high school?" I was trying to remember his name when it finally came to me, "You're Jayden Collins," I spoke as if in a trance, "you're the one who lost your brother in a car accident in his senior year which would've made you a sophomore at the time." I quickly covered my mouth with my hands in embarrassment. I started apologizing, "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I just didn't understand how you were in my grade since I was a freshman when the accident happened. I didn't mean to bring it up... " He held his hand up, silencing me, and said, "It's fine, that's general knowledge anyways. Since you guessed my name correctly, let me try to guess yours. You're Melody Cantabile right?" I faced the sky again and replied, "Yep, that's me. How did you know that?" He answered, "I just remember seeing you in the hallway. Why are you depressed?" I gasped in shock and stood up to face him, "How do you know I'm depressed?" He replied, "You hide your emotions pretty well but when you're not around your friends or they aren't looking, your face says it all. Plus, I can always recognize a fellow depressed person." I raised my eyebrow, "I thought you said you just saw me in the hallway?" He raised his hands in surrender, "Okay fine, so maybe I may have stared at you more often than I probably should have but that's not the point. Now, will you please tell me, who knows, it might make you feel better." I looked away and he seemed to take the hint. He said, "How about I tell you why I'm depressed, maybe it'll encourage you to speak up." I shook my head, "I doubt it but if it makes you feel better go ahead. Who knows, maybe I can help you. You are right though, I'm depressed. I'm not ready to open up about why though, especially to you considering we just met." He answered back, "Well, people change their minds all the time. I can understand why you don't want to tell anybody why, especially me, I'm a stranger to you. When I realized you were depressed, I saw a chance to help somebody and maybe stop them from killing themselves or cutting." He pulled up his sleeves revealing a bunch of cuts on his arm, obviously self-inflicted. "I also saw a chance to finally tell somebody about my depression. I don't trust therapists and who could be a better confidant than somebody else with depression? It took me a while to actually go up here and talk to you about this, a couple of weeks to be more exact. When I saw you go for the roof though, I feared the worst and finally got the courage to talk to you," He admitted sheepishly. I might not be able to tell him me, but the least I can do for him is try to be his friend and listen to his story. I put my hand on his shoulder and asked, "So tell me, what's your reason for being depressed?" He replied, "Well as you already seem to know, my brother died in a car accident when I was 16. After he died, my parents became shells of their former selves. They're like robots now, they go through the motions like cooking, going to work, and cleaning, but they don't talk to me anymore. I think it's because I remind them of him. I always feel like I don't matter anymore since I'm a loner at school due to the fact I had to stay behind a year because of all the work I missed while grieving my brother's death. I know we just met, but know that if you ever want to open up, I'm here for you." I suddenly remembered I still had my hand on his shoulder and quickly removed it. I blushed a little and nervously muttered, "I might not be able to open up to you yet but how about we become friends? That way when I'm finally ready to open up I'll feel more comfortable since we'd know each other better." He replied, "Deal, do I get to share food with you then?." In a more joking tone I said, "Well, you can share food with me but if you touch my food I might just have to kill you.." He fake sighed, "The things I do for you. We only just met and you're already implying I'm going to have to buy food for you. Oh well, a deal's a deal." I laughed, "Well hey, friendship is friendship. Even if you're already being forced into buying me things." We both laughed at that and for a while I forgot about all my worries and cares in the world.

We both sat down together on the roof and talked for hours. We talked about everything and anything. Our likes, dislikes, and anything in-between. I looked at my watch and quickly got up. I needed to get home before my dad. Who knows what he might do if I don't get home in time. I was about to say goodbye to Jayden when he cut me off, "I'm glad we're friends now. I already feel a lot better now that I have somebody to talk to and I know that somebody cares about me. Let me walk you home, it's the least I can do for dumping all of this on you basically forcing you to become my friend." I smiled at him, "Friendship is a choice, nobody can force or bribe you to become their friend. It's fine though, I can walk home by myself." We both left the roof, waved one last goodbye, and started walking home. As I was walking home, my mind wandered back to his words. It felt good to know I finally had a friend who understood and knew what I was going through. 10 minutes later I reached my house and opened the door. I saw a broken beer bottle on the ground and started hyperventilating. He's drunk again, my dad's drunk again. I hoped he hadn't noticed I had come home later than I was supposed to. My dad's voice called out, "Melody, oh Melody, you're in big trouble now." I knew what was coming next. He appeared and dragged me into my room and locked me in there. If I was lucky, I would get dinner tonight. Unfortunately, he left a nasty bruise on my arm. Hopefully, I could cover it up tomorrow so nobody would notice. I started crying and thinking about what my life would be like if my mom and sister hadn't left. After hours of this, I gave up and fell asleep.

"A true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else believes your smile."