Autumn Burn

Chapter 9

When sleep hadn't found me three hours later I had the urge to ask Nesta to sent me home. Obviously, that wasn't possible. Well, technically it was but the Night Court needed Eris' information and I was the key to getting them. Rather ironic that I was now looking forward to seeing Eris instead of spending my time with Nyx, even though I had a feeling I should probably take some time for myself too. As long as I was in company, I wouldn't be able to sort the mess in my mind out that currently gave me a throbbing headache. Outstanding.

Groaning, I sat up and stared out of the window of my room. Like always, Velaris was full of life, the light of the streets so bright I didn't need to light up one myself to see clearly in the darkness of my room. I rubbed my eyes slowly and tried to stop the endless thinking of my brain but it seemed it had no use.

My whole situation was reversed and it irritated me on a different level. Usually, I would have gone to Nyx for comfort, but he was the one hurting me. My next person would have been Mor but I felt too ashamed of my doubt of her to encounter her, even if she didn't know about that. I didn't even need to try and interpret whose comfort I was seeking and it made me go insane that these roles had switched so drastically.

"Fuck!" I whisper-yelled and pulled my knees to my chest to rest my forehead on them.

I wondered if he was awake now too. If he could somehow feel my distress. If he could, would he show up in front of the door and demand to see me? Or wouldn't he care? The question was probably if he would bother because he couldn't really care about me, he said it himself. I wasn't what he wanted in a mate.

Sighing, I lifted my head to stare at the wall, lost in my thoughts.

What if I woke him up by accident? What if I kept him awake? What if he, if he came for me tomorrow, what he would most definitely do, somehow sensed how hurt I was by Nyx? What if he wanted to fight him?

Shaking my head violently, I snapped my eyes away from the wall. What the hell was wrong with me? Why did I think about stuff like that? Eris was probably laying in his bed and slept safe and soundly.

But a part of me, I realized, wanted him to come. A part of me wanted him to come and get me right now, far away from Nyx and Mor.

My gaze caught the candle on my desk and I only hesitated a second before getting up, picking up the matches and lightening the candle. The red and orange flame gave me a little comfort and I made my way back to the bed.

I just hoped Eris wouldn't be able to stalk me now.

When Feyre knocked at my door barely an hour after the sun had begun to rise, I still hadn't slept a minute.

„Come in." I said, not even raising my voice since the High Lady could hear me anyway. She opened the door with a gentle smile on her face.

„You look terrible." She said and I smiled slightly.

„I look exactly like I feel." Feyre sat down next to me but didn't come too close.

„I came to ask if you want to have breakfast with us or if you would rather eat in your room?"

„I'm not hungry." I didn't fail to notice my emotionless voice nor the way Feyre looked at me. Sighing, she looked me over.

„I think you know what I mean when I tell you that I understand how you feel." Of course I did. I knew her history, not only did Nyx tell me, but also Ferye herself. Feyre Archeron knew exactly how it felt for someone to try and put power over them.

„Don't punish your body for my son's mistakes." I didn't even want to imagine how ashamed the female next to me must have felt right now, knowing that her son tried to do something she herself had to endure.