Remade

Chapter 18

I walk down the dark hall dreamily, my body still feels warm from our embrace and my sweater still smells like his cologne. I put my chin down so I can pick out the faint scent and I give a small smile.

It's been years since I've felt even remotely close to this happy, this peaceful, this sense of bliss. This sense of security, of love, of a family. My friends and Stephan, at the same time?

Hey B.

No. His voice starts ringing through my head. I shake my head aggressively to shake it off and ignore the memory. My keys rattle as I try to open my door. I walk in and Ali lifts her head from her bed sleepily. "Hey you."

"You're in bed early."

"I needed a nap, it's been a long day. Where have you been?" she mutters, readjusting her pillow on top of her head.

"Just out. Went for a walk, got some fresh air."

"Mmmmmm... Sounds nice." She falls back to sleep and I'm glad. Had she been a little more awake, she would've known I was lying. I grab the bottom of my sweatshirt and pull it over my head and then toss it to my bed. I change into my pajamas and after a moment, I put the sweatshirt back on. I take a deep breath. Still there. I curl up under my blankets carefully, tucking my knees in towards my torso. I lay there remembering as much as I can. Inside jokes with Mason, Joanne's adorable innocence, Alison's blunt honesty, the electric current that runs through me whenever I'm with Stephan. Warmth. In my heart, in my mind, in my bed. I doze off...

A girl wanders the streets weeks after deciding foster homes suck. She's thin, so thin, and her hair is oily and matted. She stands up on her toes and leans over the tall trash bin, her thin stomach on top of the brim so she can balance her body to lean in and reach for the abandoned popcorn bag and half a pretzel.

"Need a little help?" a boy asks.

She jolts, loses her balance, and almost falls in. The boy chuckles. "Wait up, I've got you." He takes the girl by the waist and picks her up and sets her on her feet. "You alright?"

The girl stares at him with her big brown eyes and nods.

"Good." He smiles at her. "Your mom and dad around?

Her face drops and shakes her head.

"Mine either. What's your name?" he asks kindly, cocking his head down at her.

She looks back up at him and really starts looking at him. He's at least 13 and is a little bit fuller than she is. He has boyish hazel eyes and has messy blond hair. He's about 6 inches taller than she is so she has to tilt her head back a little to look at him. She mutters her name. "What? Come on, speak up, I won't bite," the boy insists.

"I'm Bridget."

"That's a really nice name," he says kindly. "What's a nice girl like you doing out here?"

"My foster homes weren't very nice..." she says quietly, looking at the ground again.

"Hey. Hey," he says quietly and puts his hand under her chin to have her face him again. "None of that matters now. I'm gonna take care of you now. I'm Sam." The last word echoes as a whisper. Sam. Sam. Sam. The ground opens up and the 10 year old girl falls down an endless black tunnel. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Terrible laughter joins the name's deafening echo and the girl keeps falling, doing flips in the air, rolling, her eyes shut tight and her hands clamped over her ears to avoid the overwhelming noise. Sam. Sam. Sam. SAM.I wake up in a cold sweat and with a huge gasp of air as if I was breaking the surface after being underwater for 5 minutes. I have the blankets clenched tightly in my hands and the blankets are twisted and out of place. I let go of the sheets and rake my hands on my face and keep shaking violently. I'm choked up. Sam. Living proof that just as things seem the best they can be, just as I feel like I have everything I could possibly want or need, the entire world falls out from under me. Everything. Falls. Apart. I curl up into fetal position. Everything. Falls. To shit. No. Stop. Others have it worse and you're used to this. This is your life. Deal with it Walls. Use what you have and deal. I stay curled up and try to start a different dream reenacting the entire evening and making it longer.