Remade

Chapter 22

After a lonnnnnggg shower and nap (I'm not invincible you know), I head over to the library to start sorting through the materials. Stephan isn't sitting on the wooden bench outside or leaning casually against the building, so I creak the heavy door open and walk inside. "Hello?" I call out awkwardly into the empty building because even though it looks empty, it's still a library you know? I look around the room looking for Meredith and as soon as I turn my back on the front desk I feel someone tap me on the shoulder. "Geez!" I jump.

"Did I scare you, duck?" Meredith asks cheerfully.

"I thought I was alone, so yeah you surprised me!" I don't scare so easy anymore.

"It's a habit I guess. You learn to walk really quietly when you have this job."

"I can see that, you're like a ninja or something," I laugh.

Meredith cocks her head. "A ninja from London. Who would've thought?" She makes a mocking crane pose and I can't help but crack into a grin at her ridiculousness. "Right this way grasshopper," she says as she nods towards the back room. As she turns around, her super long indie necklaces swish around and her red sneakers squeak against the hardwood floor. She's also wearing these really cool red plastic dangly earrings shaped like triangles, the kind that I would love to wear but never have the opportunity to.  I smile at her awesome, unique style and compliment her earrings. She smiles and tells me she got them in a little boutique in London.

We walk into the back room and the towering papers, folders, and books are still just as intimidating as they were yesterday. "Geez, what are all of these?" I ask as I tug off my scarf. It's a little stuffy in here with all the dust and books.

"Old Candidate files and reports, mission logs, old blueprints, orphanages and foster systems' itineraries and records, quite a few novels, atlases, maps..."

"Wait, say what did you say?"

"Atlases and maps?"

"No, before that."

"Orphanages and foster systems' itineraries?"

My heart drops. "What orphanages?"

"Quite a few within a 100 mile radius of the Institute. My gosh dear, you're as white as a sheet, is everything alright?"

I break out of my brief shock and swallow. "Who me? Yeah I'm fine. Which orphanages?"

"St. Vincent's, Children of Hope, Youth's Directory..."

I plop down on a metal stool to keep myself from giving in to the dizzy sensation in my mind. Oh my God. It's been years since I heard the name of that place. Youth's Directory.

That's where I lived after I was dropped off in a cardboard box in a church one hot summer day and some kind soul picked me up and took me to the orphanage. In my little box was a little slip of paper saying that whoever dropped me off was sorry and couldn't keep me and that the enclosed sealed envelope contained my birth information and a letter but the directors of the orphanage decided I could only see and claim them until I was 18. The only reason I knew that was because a janitor overheard and befriended me as I grew up and told me. I spent 10 years there, occasionally being popped from home to home and never quite fitting in anywhere. Every home was pretty much the same. Take in a foster kid, show them off to your friends, give 'em back in a couple of weeks or a month. Take in a foster kid, earn a servant, a kid to scold instead of your own children, a punching bag for your obnoxious offspring. Take in a foster kid, forget about them and keep taking in the checks. The longest I lasted in any home was three months. The Olson's, a couple in their mid-30s. They liked me. I was 6. We went to the park and got ice cream and they taught me how to read. Ben (they asked I call them by their first names) bought me a beautiful green bike and taught me how to ride it. Marie made cookies that tasted like butter and happiness and she always let me clean the bowl. We'd play cards and go for drives along the interstate by the shore in their convertible and I'd put my arms high up in the air as if I were on a roller coaster. I loved them and they loved me.

Or so I thought. Marie got pregnant after they had been trying for so long so when she got the news, they freaked. They ran around making appointments and yapping rapidly on their phones to relatives and bosses and real estate agents and pretty soon they forgot they had a six year old girl.

"We can't keep her here Ben..." Marie pleaded inside their bedroom.

"I know that, I know that. But shit, she's just this amazing little girl, how could we just put her back in the system like that?" Ben said desperately.

"I know, she's amazing. She's been our daughter for months now, and she's a wonderful little girl. But don't you think we should focus on our own little wonderful person now?" She paused, probably to rub her stomach. "Bridget deserves to have someone give her all of their attention and love. And I don't think we can do that anymore..."

That was the day that I decided to try that old place-the-cup-against-the-door-and-listen trick and by God it worked. By the time that they opened their door, I was in my room sitting on my little pink bed, staring at the plastic bags holding whatever I could take with me back to the orphanage; clothes mostly, but I snuck in a couple of dolls, tubes of toothpaste and my toothbrush, and Marie's makeup just to get back at her. The orphanage doesn't like it when you come back with too much stuff but I learned how to hide stuff and share with the other kids. I went back and I went to quite a few more homes but I wasn't used to the disappointment of it all anymore. I had tasted happiness, love, a family and I liked it. I had it and it slipped through my fingers. So every time I was beat by some annoying kid or screamed at by some parent, I broke a little bit more. No one will ever love me. Someone did and then they left me, so something must be wrong with me. No one will ever take me in. The only person I can count on is myself. As soon as I turned 10, I had had enough. I ran. I ran and ran and ran and never looked back.

Later on I learned that the orphanage closed down due to lack of staff and a couple of building violations so to hear about the information here at the I gives me a little shiver down my spine. Somewhere in these files could be my birth information. My parents' names. I can finally have a birthday. Hell, maybe I'm already 18 and I can go down there with my head up high and claim what was rightfully mine. I could have a little piece of me back. Little by little, I can start picking up the pieces of glass that were scattered.

"Bridget? Are you alright?" Meredith asks after she's done listing the orphanages' names and giving a quick recap of the organization process.

"Yeah of course," I say quickly to reassure her.

"Do you have the process down? Skim, classify, stamp and separate?"

I nod my head. "Yeah I think so. And if I have any questions I will definitely ask you."

"Good girl. You've got fire in you, I can't imagine what it's like to be stuck in a room like this with a spirit like yours."

"Are you kidding me?" I touch the files gingerly and flip through their pages with my fingers. "I can't wait to dive in."