The Blind Mirror Of Love

chapter 19 : please ... just one last time

Zayn's POV :

You can't just leave me like that baby , I can't lose you that way , I can't lose the love of my life that way .

By the time I pulled in front of the hospital my vision was blurry from all the tears in my eyes .

I parked illegally in front of the entrance and ran inside , going straight to the reception .

" where is Angela ?! , she just came here with her brother bringing her in " I said panting and not even knowing what I'm saying , because all I was thinking about was Angela .

" sir please calm down , why was she brought here ?! " the receptionist said looking at the computer screen .

" she cut her wrists " I said dryly feeling the pain in my heart slightly increasing as I said those words .

" Ah , yeah Ms.Barry is in the second floor to the right , she is in the emergency room , number 215 but you can't se- " before she can finish what she was saying I was running up the stairs not even bothering to take the elevator .

And leaving the boys behind as well .

" room 215 , room 215 , room 215 " I kept murmuring to myself and before I could get myself ready for whatever was behind that door , I pumped into Alex just as I was about to turn the corner .

" fu*k " I hissed as I fell to the floor with Alex falling next to me .

And believe me when I say , the boy looked like he got the life sucked out of him , pretty much mirroring what I looked like .

" zay-n , z-za- " Alex breathed out not even having the ability to complete a word .

" shh , shh , I know mate , everything will be OK " I cooed while pulling him in my arms .

Those soothing words I was telling him , was a way to try to convince myself that everything will be OK , because deep down I knew it won't .

" Mr. Barry ! " I didn't even notice the doctor coming out .

Me and Alex got up off the floor .

" yeah , is she OK ?! , just please tell me she's OK " Alex started and the doctor sighed making me hold my breath .

" she lost lots of blood , we did what we could , just - just prey for her " the doctor said and I didn't even notice that I was crying until Liam pulled me in a tight hug along with all the boys , and Alex as well .

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It's been two days in the hospital , I haven't put anything in my mouth for two days , neither did Alex nor any of the boys , and of course sally and Emma and sky were here , but I couldn't bring myself to talk nor even look at them , it felt like this was my fault , and indeed this is my fault .

All of it is my fault .

The doctors didn't allow us to see her , and she's not up yet , I kept preying for her to be awake in any moment for two days with no sleep at all , that I nearly lost hope .

" guys you are now able to see her , but please one at a time and not more than five minutes each please " the doctor said pulling me out of my thoughts , and without even feeling myself , I was up on my feet .

" you should go first " Alex said to me , his voice is raw and raspy from all the crying .

And just as I was about to tell him that he might want to go first , after all he's her brother , he cut me off .

" just go zayn , it's better for all of us ." and yeah I do think he's right it is better for all of us .

I nodded my head more to myself than to him , and walked to the door , looking back at the boys just as I was about to open it , for Louis to give me a small nod .

I took a deep breath and held it in , just in case , while opening the door .

Not looking at her yet , I closed the door behind me , and walked slowly to the bed with my head hung low , not daring to look at her .

I took yet another deep breath just to have all the air knocked out of me as I looked at her .

She is laying on the bed , her body lifeless , she looked so pale , her breathing uneven , her heart beating so slow that I couldn't even hear the monitors beep .

And that's when I fell to my knees next to her , holding her unbearably cold hand in mine with the tears streaming down my face .

" ya Allah [A/N Allah means god in Islam , just so you don't get confused ] please help her get back to me , god please .... just I need her , ya Allah please , I'm begging you while on my knees , one more chance to see her smiling again please , just ... please " I preyed and preyed and then I preyed some more , that probably I didn't give the others a chance to see her .

And when I felt my chest get tighter , I couldn't take it anymore , I just couldn't , and I stood up off the ground and looked at her lifeless body .

I leaned down and planted my lips to her cold ones for the last time . because it felt like the last time .

Then I got out of the room closing the door behind me , not daring to look up at anyone , and none of them spoke a word , though the silence was speaking for the situation .

With the tears streaming down my face I ran out of the hospital , not daring to look back .

Angela was lifeless , angela is dying , and it's all because of me , and that's something I would never forgive myself for .

It was all my fault , she is here because of me , and I know she would never forgive me .

I didn't know what to think right now .

Angela made a huge mistake , and I made one back , but now I'm confused , should I take her back ?! Will she even take me back ?! Or should we just stay away from each other for the sake of one another ?!

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I'm so sorry .........AGAIN .

I know I'm really dragging this out more than I should , but I can't help myself but get in the mood and do it .

Anyways I really hope you like it , and sorry for being late to update , fu*king family problems sh*t .

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