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I never found peace in my head And I realized that I kept searching for it from outside instead I was never able to calm all these voices down Because everytime I tried, they proved to me how much of a failure I am I never win, at least in my eyes And I always find the beauty of everything after it dries I never felt safe and never had the time to actually know myself Because I was too busy escaping from everything inside me in every possible way I was never actually found by anyone not even by myself Because my insecure inner child all the time runs away I never knew what happiness feels like Because I never actually reached my dreams Not even those about riding that bike And because I never knew what not escaping feels like That makes sense when the 3AM thoughts hit so hard The thoughts about not living life but only the worst parts About hiding my feelings and how it feels like a guard Guilt kicks in when I believe that I'm not grateful But then I remember that time when flying birds made me satisfied When I looked to my mom while she's laughing And when I felt so happy once that I could feel the beats inside Maybe I'm grateful but I can't feel safe Don't know what it even feels like Not being in a constant fight Not running hoping to see the light Or even finding the light after all Wish I knew how it feels Wishing that I have experienced it before Wishing it didn't always felt like drowning Hoping desperately to reach the shore Yes, I still want to live But I don't want to survive anymore.
