The Party Scene Saga: Stories Yet To Unfold

Part 12

Jack having a girlfriend hurt me a lot more than it should have. I guess it's to be expected; I did, afterall, have a heck of a lot of boyfriends since that whole situation. But just seeing him happy killed me inside. I actually wanted to run and hide away somewhere and just cry. He was happy and I was miserable...great. Kara and Lisa tried their hardest all day to make me be my usual happy self, but it was no use. Nothing was working. At lunch, Lisa spent the whole time trying to make me eat.

"Lily Merrick you are far too thin! You need food!" ordered Lisa, shoving my tray closer to me.

"I'm not hungry." I mumbled, gently shoving it back.

"Fine, you can sit here and starve to death for all I care!" she snapped, getting up and leaving.

"I intend to." I smirked, forgetting Kara was there.

I looked up after hearing a sniffle; Kara was crying. She wiped her tears away hoping I hadn't seen, but I saw. I reached across the table and grabbed her hand. She looked up at me, tears still threatening to spill from her eyes again.

"I'm sorry, Kara." I said quietly. "I know I'm not well, but I promise you now I'll get over this. I'll do it for you."

"Do it for yourself, Lily." sighed Kara.

"Hey, you're my best friend! I need to have some kind of inspiration." I smiled.

That was the first time in months I'd actually smiled properly. And when I promised Kara, I actually meant it. She knew me better than anyone - even better than Zack - and she was the only one in school who knew I cut. I trusted her with my life and all of it's dark secrets.

*

December 2004

Those 3 months flew by so quickly, and it was the week before Christmas. Alex and Rian were having a joint birthday party, since their birthdays were only a few days apart, and everyone was going. Everyone, including Jack. I hadn't heard anything about him in those months, because everyone avoided talking about him when we actually got the chance to speak to each other. Instead, our main topic of conversation was me and how I was doing. I still did pot, but not as frequently, I started eating again, I quit drinking, and best of all, I hadn't cut in all that time.

"Baby I'm so proud of you." grinned Lisa, admiring the scars that were finally fading.

"I'm proud of me too." I smiled.

"No, I'm serious. I've never as been proud of someone as I am of you right now." she told me, a look of seriousness on her face. "You defied all the odds and the people who said you wouldn't succeed, and you got your break. I always fucking knew you'd get better, and all you needed was a kick in the butt to get you in the right direction! You're happy, you're healthy...and most importantly, you're alive."

Lisa's eyes glistened slightly as she said the last part. The reason I hadn't cut in a while, was because last time I almost died.

*le flashback*

I was depressed because Zack told mum and dad I cut, and she took it upon herself to come into my room and tell me how stupid I was for doing it and not going and talking to her like "any normal girl would". She stood screaming at me for 20 minutes, whilst I rocked back and forth on the floor and sobbed loudly. She didn't care. As soon as she left, dad came in and sat on the floor with me. He held me and let me get out all my tears and sobs, and even sat in bed with me as I fell asleep. My dad was just the best. He finally moved at midnight; I only knew that because he accidentally woke me. I didn't move; dad deserved his sleep too and I'd only worry him more if I'd moved. Instead, I waited until I could hear his snoring and slipped into the bathroom. It was lucky for me that I only had to go as far as the next door. I silently locked the door, and found my usual stash - Zack gave up hiding them. Without making a sound, I dragged the blade across my arm and closed my eyes, letting my tears flow. But something didn't feel right. There was too much blood: I'd gone too far and hit a vein, or something. I panicked. I felt my eyes fill up again as I applied as much pressure as I possibly could to try and stop it, and ran into Zack's room. I shoved the door open with my shoulder, causing him to sit bolt upright in bed. I stood in the doorway, sobbing silently, and looked at him helplessly.