Emotional Ramblings: MaAn

Silent Pleas

"Anu!"

Anupama, woke up to find Anuj on the ground trembling and covered in sweat again. He was shivering as she scrambled off the bed to the corner where he was curled up as he fought the dark demons that came out at night. It had been a few days since they finally came home and every night had been the same. Her heart felt like it was being clawed into a million pieces as she witnessed her husbands' anguish and night terrors. She gathered the small fragments of her courage and knelt down next to him.

Anu placed her face next to his trembling figure and blew air softly over his face as she murmured calming words - all the while not touching him. She knew that he needed to first process her presence and her aura in his semi conscious state before he was ready to accept her touch. She would never force herself onto him unless he was ready - even if she knew that's what he craved and needed the most. Anu continued to lie next to him, a mere inch away, as her soft sky blue cotton saree fluttered around them just like the mist that was settling down on their garden outside in the early morning.

They spent the next 15 minutes as such, just breathing together as he whimpered through his pain and his little gasps of pain as he would suddenly shout "Nahee", or "Jaane do" and it would shake her but she held her ground and would continue to blow wisps of air on his forehead to help cool and lighten the burden on his mind as he fought this battle, for himself and for them.

Finally she could see the lessening of his frown lines as he started to process her whispers and his hand hesitantly reached out and grasped at her cheek and hair that had cascaded down her shoulders and fell on her cheeks. He spent the next few minutes just grasping at her hair and her cheek as he tried to wake himself up. But it was as if he was stuck in a far away dark place where he could sense Anu around him but failed to find the path on how to get back to her - he pleaded his wishes into the universe for her to find him and pull him back to the safety of her warm hug.

~

 He was lost and confused - everything seemed dark and bleary around him.

~

Finally confident that he would accept her - Anu closed the distance between them and took him into her protective warm embrace as she stroked his hair and settled his head on her chest and allowed him to hear her heartbeats as he wrapped his arm around her waist. She wrapped her pallu around him and enveloped them under it's comforting cover. As she pulled him close to her, he snuggled into her chest and pulled her closer by her waist and she could feel his tears as the dam finally broke. The final step before he would be able to pull himself out of his nightmare. She just needed to continue soothing him and showing him she would always be there for him.

They laid this way as she rubbed circles on his back and one hand caressed and ran through his floppy hair as she placed one leg protectively on his and pulled him closer as if she was challenging the wind that was blowing through the window to dare try and separate them.

~

Anupama was done allowing anyone to come in between them. Anuj was hers to protect and love and she'd try to see anyone dare try to wedge their way in.

But it was on nights like this that she truly felt lost and unsure of herself. How was she to help her Anuj? The silly, powerful, strong and wonderful husband of hers had been brought to his knees by the recent events and while she could fight the world and slay all the demons that dared cross their path - the hardest battle was often the ones that plagued him at night and the ones she helplessly watched whilst in the sidelines. The sidelines where she would whisper her blessings to him and will her strength into his strong form that would otherwise not have needed any assistance from her, but right now he needed all the care she could give him.