Recovery

Unforseen Circumstances

Life has never gone the way I wanted it, nor has it ever given me a break. I had a very long, hard, rough, long patch of depression and self hatred. Believe I never deserved anything that way good or normal for me. I didn't even know what was normal was. I felt safer in the chaos of a narcissist space I was raised in. Because if there was not some sort of bad happening I felt like every happy thing was going to be ripped from me. So I never wanted to be happy. I would never aloud myself to be truly happy. But I met a few blessings in people who have had the biggest impact on me. I'm so appreciate and grateful that I got to know these wonderful people.

The curve balls life has throw at me have definitely made me change things a bit. How I feel about things, the way I look at things and a few beliefs and the way I think or see things. But all of that is growth that I never knew I needed to learn or to deal with. I could always read a room and other peoples feelings. The empath in me could feel your pain without a single word from you. I was the person with the brightest smile and tried to be the happiest person you knew. I know what it was like to be alone and lost I never wanted anyone who knew me to ever feel like that. But I knew the walls I had built around me were made of glass and people could see right through me and see the fake happy mask I was wearing. But I still tried to hide it from the world.

  When I graduated... I had moment when after I crossed that stage with my diploma. Suddenly I understood why school was pushed as an important thing. But the adjustment period after graduation hit hard. No adult truly know what to do after graduating. We all a little lost in life and what to do; 4 years is a short time to figure out your interest and career that you want do. My goal before graduating was just surviving. What do you do after just surviving....you have to force yourself to heal in order to grow. If you don't you'll never go anywhere in life. An all the small progress from before would have been for nothing. Everyone heals at there own rate, there is not right or wrong to healing. Everyone's path is different and so is there healing.