One-Shots

Numb - H&C - Lady Lesso

TW: Mentions of suicide attempt, mentions of rape, mentions of miscarriage and abortion, slight mention of eating disorder, and self-harm.

You have always struggled with anxiety and depression and you knew that. You also knew that it had been getting worse recently. That much was for sure. You felt numb and it was exhausting. All you really did was sleep and eat. Even then you barely ate.

You had been attending the School For Good And Evil since before the merger, and you always felt like you were placed wrong. You felt like you belonged at The School For Evil, not The School For Good. Granted, that might be because you grew up being told how sinful you were because 'being a gay is sinful and evil' or 'harming yourself is just plain selfish'. Those sentences along with many others seemed to have been ingrained into your head from a early age.

You knew you and your best friend were among the oldest students from the moment you arrived, because you were 18 when you first started at the school. Granted, you getting held back didn't help much either. You were supposed to be around 22 when you graduated because of the 4 years in the school, but this year was your 6th year, meaning you were now 24.

That didn't help you in your times of worry and despair, seeing as everyone other student was so young. Your best friend made sure to also get held back even though she didn't need it, simply because she didn't wanna leave you alone.

It was 'senior skip day' 2 days ago and you of course didn't go to classes then, they practically begged you to stay in your dorm. You happily obliged and stayed in your dorm the entire day, only getting out to go eat dinner, seeing as you skipped breakfast and lunch. Your best friend questioned the lack of food and you simply replied with 'I was sleeping' which she took but she noticed your symptoms.

You and your best friend, Celeste, had been friends since you were 6. You had found out your birthdays were very close together, 4 days apart to be exact, so maybe that's why you two were so close. You told her everything, including your crush on none other than Lady Lesso herself. You even figured out her first name, Leonora. In secret, like the context of your diary and when it was just you and Celeste, you called her 'Nora' or 'Leo' instead of Lady Lesso.

Celeste was there when you came out, she was there when you had a miscarriage due to being raped. She was also there for your abortion for that very same reason. She had been through everything with you. Including your first attempt.

Of course that wasn't the last time you attempted but it was the start of something dark that no one else knew about you. Since you were 12, you had attempted 13 times, and had self harmed more than that. You knew you had a problem and you took medicine for it. Of course, once you came to the school you stopped those meds, claiming you didn't need them. You were now 110 days clean from self harm so why take meds?

The day after the skip day, yesterday, you also stayed in your dorm. You were lucky because you didn't have to share your dorm, seeing as you were an adult. It made you happy to know that no one knew about your problems. You didn't even leave your room to eat that day. Your best friend figured you might've just been sick but she soon figured out that wasn't the case.

That brings you to today. Where you're currently standing in your bathroom, blade in hand, trying so hard to fight the urge to cut. Everything in your mind was telling you to. Except there was 2 tiny but important problems. Those being, you were 110 days clean, and you had also promised Celeste you wouldn't self harm again.

"Fuck it..." You mumbled to yourself as you took a deep breath and brought the blade up.

You made quick work of it, avoiding making it so that you had the possibility of bleeding out. You didn't want that. You simply wanted to feel something. Anything. You had felt so desensitized to everything recently. It was like you were experiencing all the bad things of being high, but all the time. You were numb. Your emotions were little to none, but when they did show, they were heightened. You could barely remember what happened 30 minutes ago. Everything blurred together. Nothing made sense. Everything seemed to be falling apart.