Just for Now

Journal Entry - 4

We were in our sophomore year of high school when I made my move.

We had a semi-formal coming up to celebrate the end of the year. We wouldn't have prom until the next year. I didn't even realize it was a thing you brought a date to until all my friends started asking people.

Alli and I hung out every day. Not a day went by when we didn't see each other. We were both in sports, but we still made time for each other. I went to all her games, and she went to all of mine. I always embarrassed her cause she claimed I was cheering too loudly, but she always played her best that way.

Her parents didn't always make it to the games. Actually, they rarely did. So, I liked reminding her that someone was there. I think she liked the reminder too. My family would come out for her games sometimes too. My dad would always do the "dad-thing" where they talked about the game after and analyzed every single play. She didn't even pretend not to appreciate that, she always lit up whenever he would start the conversation.

Some boys would ask Alli out, but she usually said no. She didn't give them a reason, either. She would always say that no was a complete sentence, and I liked that. She did her own thing and never owed anybody an explanation. She was just Alli, take it or leave it.

I knew some girls in our grade liked me. But I didn't have any interest. Any free time, I usually spent with Alli. I had other friends like the guys on my teams, but no one got me like she did. I liked the football guys and was pretty close with them, but Alli was different.

We were in my room, flipping through our textbooks trying to get homework done. We had some classes together in high school. I always tried to make it so our schedules lined up so that we at least had one class together each semester. Didn't always work out, but we'd usually have the same lunch.

I hadn't gotten a thing of homework done since we started a few hours ago, I was too focused on deciding if I wanted to ask her or not. It had been on my mind all week.

I wanted to ask her— of course, I did.

But I didn't wanna ruin our friendship, she was my best friend.

Losing her would be losing a part of me I wouldn't ever get back.

"So... you going to the dance?" I asked her in a small voice after finally mustering up the courage.

Alli had paused and glanced at me. I didn't know what she was thinking for a few moments. Not until she said, "Uh, yeah, Justin Medding asked me."

Shit.

Of course, he did. Dude had been giving her googly eyes since they started having gym class together. He was a Grade-A dick and I hated him. Obviously.

"That douchebag?" It came out before I could stop it, she laughed like she couldn't help it.

"Yeah, that douchebag," she confirmed with an amused smile, looking at me like she was expecting something. When I didn't say anything, she asked, "Are you going?"

I panicked. And when I panic, I always made up some absurd lie. They were never even believable, either. Which was the worst part. "Nah, I'm getting surgery."

"What?" Alli asked, surprised. "For what?"

I didn't even answer her, I was so angry that I didn't ask her myself.

I just didn't want to lose what we had, you know? I couldn't lose her.

But this felt like losing her, and it was way worse than I thought it would feel.

"Don't go to Justin, go with me," I blurted out nervously. "I-I'll make sure you have a good time. Cause Justin won't know when your favorite song is playing. He won't know you're always fifteen minutes late. He won't be as good of a date as me."

She smiled at me.

I felt like I gave her the sun.

Maybe one day I could.

And Alli said, "I'd like that."

I stayed true to my word, too.

I showed up to her house in my best outfit with a bouquet of her favorite flowers— those little ones with the weird name, forget-me-nots. The blue flowers matched her dress too. I knew they would because Scarlett saw her dress before so I knew what to pick.

We even went to the dance in style: my Dad drove us. I didn't have my license yet, okay? But he let me pick the music that was playing.

When we got there, I obviously paid for her ticket— the whole ten dollars. I held her bag and pulled her chair out. I knew she could do this all on her own, but my Mom told me that it didn't hurt to throw some chivalry into the mix. I remember hearing the football guys from my team yelling that I was whipped and stuff, but I didn't care. I just wanted to impress her.

It worked, too. Especially when I recognized her favorite songs and danced with her. She seemed to like that I remembered that. We slow danced to a few songs, too. I was careful not to step on her feet, my Mom had gone over it with me a few times.

"Thank you, for tonight," Alli said to me softly, a smile on her face. "I'm really glad you asked me."

I was smiling so much my cheeks hurt. "I am too, thanks for saying yes. Hope Justin wasn't too bummed."

That was a lie, I hope he was really bummed.

"Hm?" she asked with a tilt of her head before blinking quickly and nodding. "Oh, yeah, he was fine. Think he asked someone else pretty quickly."

"If you rejected me, I don't think I'd leave my room for, like, a week," I told her as we kept dancing.

"Only a week? Please, you'd be lost," Alli said teasingly.

I almost teased back, but instead I just shrugged and said, "You know what? I would be."

Alli laughed, pulling me closer.

That was one of the best nights of my life.

I should've kissed her that night.

But hey, I can't complain about our first kiss.